C's Get Degrees

Wake up too hungover to go to church every Sunday. Hope they serve alcohol in hell

Did you really go to a concert if you didn't post 209 videos on your story

Chick-fil-a: "My pleasure!!" McDonald's: "You welcome..."

January: "I'm going to make straight A's this semester" May:

I get a new iPhone every year but have had the same alarm clock since I was 8

Me in Uber: "please stop speaking to me" Drunk me: "I think she was the one Steve"

Tinder must be the most deleted and redownloaded app in history

If I spent $30,000 to go to Italy for 6 weeks I probably wouldn't shut up about it either, but it's still annoying

Leg workouts are a semi-annual endeavor for me

Okay maybe I was drunk last night

"Hi, my name is Kyle and I would rather have a root canal than tell the class a fun fact about myself"

I didn't buy cheap beer to drink responsibly

Spending the holidays with family: *Emptying trash at night* Grandpa: "You know when I was your age I had to walk 5 miles barefoot to empty the trash and it was uphill both ways!"

Her: "I want a guy who lives life on the edge" Me:

University cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "Because I was going 4 mph over the speed limit and you have nothing better to do"

It's almost that time again for me to pretend I'm going to make all A's and get a six pack this semester

No one would run a marathon, travel abroad, or invest in bitcoin if confidentiality agreements were a requirement

Parents: "Don't slack off...it's your last semester of college" Me: "I've had senioritis since high school"

January: buys textbooks for $837 May: sells textbooks for $11.32

FAFSA in a nutshell: "Why can't your middle-class parents just sell their private jet and yacht to pay for college?"