mike cooper

I think airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide when it's your birthday.

I always give 100 percent...except when giving blood

This fell from the sky in Ennismore yesterday. Is $500,000.00 too much to ask?

If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can't get in without a Costco membership

However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house now. Goodnight

Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker just won the no-bell prize?

Yah know what I hate? People that use big words but not in the right context. To me they are just being ambiextrous.

And finally...What do you call suncreen in Ireland? Pubs

And finally...What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colours? A reptile dysfunction?

Seeing a spider isn't a problem, its when it disappears when it's a problem.

I bought a book on eBay called ,"How to scam on eBay". That was 3 months ago,, and it hasn't arrived yet!

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with CB Radios. I think it's over....over.

My wife just finished a 8 hour shift. I knew she'd find first gear eventually

And finally: My girlfriend called me a 'spineless wimp'. I was so angry I made her breakfast in bed.

When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

I was in the supermarket the other day and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman'.

And finally: I put a Toronto Maple sticker on my broken vacuum. It sucks again!

And finally...Someone should make a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on a Lego it doesn't hurt. You just get taller.

Looked in mirror this evening and said: "take away George Clooney's looks, his money his smile, his personality and his women...you got me!