When a cybersecurity vendor asks for some time with me, I don't send them my Calendly. Instead, I send them an OpenTable link to make a reservation at my favorite steakhouse. Really narrows down who's serious.

I sure could use an AI companion right about now.

Look, I respect your privacy and everything, but I've got bills to pay. That's why I'm selling you out. I just sold your personal data on the dark web.

I just got out of a bad meeting with the auditors. They said X's cybersecurity program is "failing across the board." The only logical thing for me to do here is to go buy a new Corvette and drink away my problems.

I just invented a new cybersecurity category. It's called ASPM. AS/400 Security Posture Management I'm available to brief any and all industry analysts about my new category. For a fee, of course.

Does your fancy cloud security platform work on my mainframe?

Thought I'd eat a healthy lunch today. Gotta watch my figure. Ate a bowl of jerky from the bar at my favorite steakhouse. It's gluten free.

People always ask me what my MTTR is. It's infinite. I do not respond to incidents. They're an inconvenience.

Am I baked into your threat model? I should be.

I've been thinking a lot about upgrading from Windows 95. Maybe I'll go with XP. xitter.cf/DayTechHistory/status/…

In case you were wondering, I'm still in Vegas at Black Hat.

I'm going to start selling stickers. I've got massive gambling and alimony debts to pay. Need to diversify my income.

I asked to have blocking removed from this app. It's mandatory for everyone to hear all the words of wisdom I have to say.

So you're telling me if I join ten company boards at $200k each, I can be making as much as I did at $BIGCO? Sign me up. Every board needs a seasoned cybersecurity leader like yours truly.

You're back at work in your dead end InfoSec job. I'm still in Vegas drinking cocktails and gambling on my corporate card. We are not the same.

What was my favorite part of DEF CON? Not going.

I'm still in Vegas, but it seems all of the InfoSec people are gone. All I see are degenerates and strippers.

This conference is going on for another three weeks, right?

Global CISO summer camp