my favourite video in case anyone was wondering

saw a delivery driver going over tower bridge today w a huge absolutely fucking massive iPad pro or whatever like easily 15" screen attached to his moped handlebars. Like I can understand mounting a phone for directions but he was switching apps & using keyboard. just taking piss

Why do people in the A&E waiting room look like they frequent the place at least twice a week

Twitter hiatus over. Was in mourning for Dolly etc

How do I tell Spotify to never autoshuffle me even one single David Bowie song again for as long as I have an account with them

just saw a dog being pushed in a pram (french bulldog or some such) and it had not one but two tennis balls in its mouth. mouth wasn't even that big so the balls were kinda spilling out it must have just really liked those balls

for seals to always be hitting this pose on their side with their tails up like that they must have suuuper crazy obliques or something.. what do we think

do you think the black cab drivers with the classic black cabs make fun of the cabbies who opt to plaster the outside of their cabs with stupid advertising

stone age: ∞bc - 3300bc bronze age: 3300bc-1200bc iron age: 1200bc-800ad viking age: 800-1066 medieval age: 1066-1500 post-medieval age: 1500-1800 industrial age: 1800-1945 atomic age: 1945-1960 space age: 1960-1975 information age: 1975-2020 hs2 construction age: 2020-2100

overhead two 30-ish American women on the tube discuss their experiences of London and one of them goes "well, at least they finally have Wendy's and Popeye's now" .... how are these people real

thanks all for the enthusiastic response to this tweet. i have told ozzy (the cat) that the consensus is that he won the competition against the car. he replied with a furtive glare and petulant meow and then ran off so not really sure if he got the message

i keep coming back to this photo of my neighbours' cat it's like he's competing with the car who can be more parked and black and oblong

on my 2 day voyage home from Philippines was kinda worried i was starting 2 get racist bc all the Filipinos & then indians (layover) were really irritating me. then i arrived in Heathrow & realised the English ofc produced the exact same effect. phew moment! im just a misanthrope

the Philippines is the only place where you will plug your phone charger into the wall outlet to charge your phone and the battery percentage will go down

in whang-od's village rn and every time she tattoos a couple she makes copulative sexual gestures with her tattoo thorn and the circle of thumb and forefinger when they ask for a picture. no communication in English just this. i love her

update. we ended up on the same overnight ferry & she revealed she broke up with her bf the day after boat tour bc he was getting increasingly toxic &bpd and cheated on her before the trip anyway. i support her 100% and have promised her i will visit Chongqing to try their hotpot

in the Philippines rn. on a 3 day boat tour we met a captivating girl from Chongqing who makes her living selling crystals on tiktok shop. over dinner and rum she told us how much she loved her boyfriend & prioritised loyalty and then the same night she hooked up w the tour guide

egg addiction ... it's more common than you might think

sometimes you begrudgingly put on a Beatles song and the first sound you'll hear is a tinny tambourine or such clanking away in your Left ear... in which case rest assured then the next thing gracing your Right eardrum will be the boys harmonising no doubt.. too predictable

i actually think it's quite chic when a large, otherwise technically advanced city has random areas where no one is able to get signal. it's like put the phone down. live 💚

they should make a movie like the brutalist but it's called the structuralist and it's about some weird postwar anthropologist guy who's tasked with building a church but he can't even do that because he's too busy thinking about words and concepts