What does it mean when your Uber driver rolls the windows down?

Just cancelled my shingles vaccine. Going to do push-ups instead.

There must be a German word for “being subjected to Cold Play.”

Oftentimes, live music isn’t really necessary.

San Francisco is simultaneously dangerous and boring. Kind of like my second marriage.

Thank you Chat GPT - not just for giving VCs something to do in this market, but also for ensuring I’ll never have to talk directly to my second ex wife again!

For the first time in my life I was offered soap.

My name for this order? My name is “the only person in this store right now.” Thanks.

The only benefit of the blockchain is that people losing money is public.

At this point in my life, all my haircuts look like they’ve been performed by a birthing canal.

In Spain, one customer constitutes “a surge.”

To “ser” or to “estar,” a lifelong quest #somethingrotten

American tourists often make me think of how awesome it would be to sometimes not understand English.

Birds are weird.

Sipping an iced coffee is not a valid reason to put your phone on “speaker” mode.

“I’ve recently installed blackout curtains...” must be the turning point of some twelve step journey.

InAtlantic City, guess these stimulus checks need to go somewhere...

This lavender “pillow mist” is not fucking working.

“Look, you can have work done to your nose, and you can have work done to your lips. But I’m not going to pay for them both.” -Starbucks, Columbus Circle

My first child made me feel like I was the producer/director of my own biopic.  My second child helped me realize that I was only food service.