Life advice nobody told you: Always default to praise of people who aren't in the room. The way you talk about someone who isn't in the room is one of the loudest signals about the energy you carry. An observation about the most impressive, magnetic people I've been around: They never speak badly about people who aren't there. They never use underhanded or discrediting comments. They glow about them, or they say nothing. If everyone is speaking negatively about someone, it's perfectly reasonable to opt out and say nothing. It shifts the entire power balance of the conversation in your favor. It shows a level of stoic awareness and calm that stands out. We all silently catalogue how others speak about people who aren't in the room, because we know that we may be the topic of that conversation as soon as we leave. Those who default to praise command the room and silently set a standard of safety that everyone else can feed off of.