heybrandon

*nuke goes off* me: god I hope frank ocean is ok

I’ve been taking cooking classes (I’m still shit)

thanks for the scarf @BAILEYDRAWS – at Salt Lake City, UT

I’m just checking in has anything exciting happened lately

my account is impenetrable to hackers because i change my password every day in hopes that one day i will forget and have to find another hobby

there should be a drive thru for petting dogs. like you drive in and look at the menu and tell them what you want through the speaker, then you pull up to the window and they have the dog there for you to reach in and pet it for a bit then you drive away

hey guys just another casual reminder that i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing

me as a mailman: your shitty stupid garbage is here *shakes the box while holding it near my ear* sounds like it sucks. please sign, asshole

ᵘʰʰ hi ʸᵃ can i get ᵘʰʰ fuckin break

you know what? i’ll just hold my own hand

if u ever see me crying, please feel free to join me

i don’t want to offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable but goodnight

me deleting my personal 3 am twitter posts when I wake up at 4 pm

sometimes i think about how easily an animal like this can turn a full grown adult human into meat spaghetti

if I die, who wants my twitter

ᶫᶦᵏᵉ ᴵ ｄｏｎ＇ｔ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵘᶫᵉˢ ᵇᵘᵗ ᵘʰʰ if you don’t eat pizza crust you’re a coward

my timeline: read this post thats more than two sentences long me: what is this. some kind of book club. some kind of literature study group

my secret to living as long as I have is to avoid bottles with skulls and crossbones on them because those have poison in them