its 830 pm and people are sleeping but we dont give a fruuuuck!!!

shout out to the memory of me sobbing crying after losing a league of legends game as vayne in silver 4(demoted to bronze) when i was 13. even if i hate u, at least you stuck around

had way too much cybersex with egirls in the metaverse now i gotta raise this digibaby

such a lonely day should be banned (by the admins)

my biggest fear is that I'll date someone for 4 months before realizing they're a retarded asshole

my suicide note will say "sure hope nobody kills me while I'm writing this happiness letter, and if they do, the killer is peter jenkins" just as a lil prank to all my loved ones and a big fuck you to the nearest peter jenkins

the trees are goin bald the men are goin bald what is going on

oh, to be a bird what I wouldn't give to be winged and ratty, as i glide a cloudy sea higher than LeBron, a fly little baller finally happy, and most importantly taller

keep seeing dudes get cancelled for "faking being nice" and stuff- but nope thats not me im a big piece of shit just wanna make that clear now. this way if i ever go to court/get cancelled for "showing my true self" i can show this tweet as proof i always been a piece of shit

if your whole personality/every conversation is "my ex used to ...." then please tell me BEFORE we go out to eat on a first date. that way i dont have to kill myself in a chili's bathroom thank you

enemies are 73% more likely to spit a factoid compared to your friends

if I ever catch my son using fruity products like "dry shampoo" or "lotion" or something like that he's sleeping outside I'm not raising a bath n bodywork barista who comes home smellin like a dang bath bomb u can find a new dad if I smell that shit on u

if im askin for ya pronouns its cuz i alr know what u is and what u iznt. im just playin along wit u cuz i know it makes u smile n shi n im practicing bein cordial and copacetic n shi

maybe shit aint so bad after all. and im getting better at sensing when a weird bug is nearby just aimlocked 150 degrees on to some hard caterpillar worm that was sneaking up on me. he was a silent worm i didnt even hear him btw feels kinda like aimbot but way shittier and free

mfers be in denial be like; "no he doesnt punch me ever he just slams his knuckles into my head sometimes cuz he learned it from his dad he said. but physical touch is our love language" "no i dont think hes lying i think he just doesn't like facts that much"

"my girlfriend ju..." just shut the fuck up already

me trying to take a shit at a family gathering

how do u know if ur being "reasonable/secure" or just fearfully taking the advice of retarded people who want the best for u

ur future wife is on twitter but ur ex wife is also on twitter small world

sometimes I wish I had someone to complain to who'd just sit and feel like shit with me