somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.

look man sometimes you gotta take a flyer on a jumbo fuckoff pack of novelty snacks from costco. what's the worst that could happen, you're out 18 bucks and you have to muscle through a couple dozen dog food-grade Spicy Miso Caramel Protein Clusters? that's called being alive.

i mostly stopped going on here for a few years and now every post is like "You can tell a lot about a person based on whether their favorite blue Gatorade is Cool Blue or Glacier Freeze." no you can't. why is everyone talking like that.

the most difficult part of parenting is when you’re trying to be a hardass because your kid isn’t eating dinner and then she points to the picture of elmo on her cup and says “this guy’s name is Gumper.”

i recently found out i live 5 mins away from the jersey shore’s mike The Situation sorrentino and now i constantly see him driving around town in his lifted brown jeep gladiator. i just saw him leaving shoprite. what if we became friends. what if The Situation were my best friend

the internet is broken. sup is trying to save it. and we're hiring a Design Engineer. $200-250k. good healthcare. free lunch. jumpsuits (?) NY or CA. dm for details ✌️

i did a design sprint for the BEN SOLO pitch and i regret to inform you the movie would have been sick. rip.

i think if you type your password almost right. like one or two mistakes. websites should be like Ahhhh close enough get your ass in here buddy :)

my two-year-old often asks me what strangers’ names are and i always make up something weird like Shubby or Bembo and apparently she’s been paying attention because we saw a deer on the way home and i heard her say quietly to herself in the back seat “i think his name is…Jimbus”

friday night big chilling at lumon praise kier

it's straight up slightly nicer to be alive when there's a big HBO show airing on sunday nights and everyone is watching it. the government should fund that show. it's actually so important.

it’s so sick to see a hawk soar.

everyone looks great in a santa hat. kind of a shame that it’s such a seasonal accessory.

my toddler recently learned about the grinch and she calls him The Gunch. merry christmas everyone.

today my child has achieved her dream of being alive in the world for one full year and has received a promotion from Baby to Toddler. she likes the grocery store and dancing and she shoots 93% from the foul line. she is a monkey so i made her a banana cake.

(context: i have a mustache.) we ate dinner at a pizzeria and when i sat down the toddler at the table next to us stared at me for a second then leaned over to his mom and whispered loud as fuck “IS THAT MARIO.”

type of shit i've been on recently

told the guy at mcdonald’s i had mobile order “victor bravo 6-7” and he laughed at me. sorry for being tactical in the drive thru.