This isn't a "drinking game" I meticulously count how many beers I can drink parked in my car before I have to piss cuz i'm OCD and it soothes the autism I got from my dad being old when I was born. And I didn't get the idea of strangling you during sex from porn, I just hate you

I was dating a neurotic goth alt girl almost a decade younger than me, hoping she'd yell at me like Alice Glass' vocals but it was just sloppy crying and calling her gay friends to say I abused her. I'm still sampling the audio of our spats for my EP but if it flops that's on her

Cool part about being an "artist" is you can pull out a Fujifilm camera and tell a girl to pose naked real quick & she sees i got a fresh Fear of God hoodie on so she obliges. I'm not gonna jack off to it later, I'm too numb. It's like Pokémon cards to me I just sell & trade them

One time I was waiting for the bus and a black dude started fighting 3 tortas at once and while they were piled on top of each other some guy said "Full moon type shit" and another guy chimed in saying "Nah nigga it's a waning gibbous" and then we started chatting about astrology

In grade school boys would spontaneously sing "I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world," We all grasped the satirical nature of it, & those boys went on to clean up well in highschool. Being gay was just an abstract concept then, before Obama peeled back our eyelids & made us watch

My gym buddies & I take Cialis for our preworkout as it increases bloodflow for better pumps, also makes your flaccid cock a bit meatier. Some Karen complained saying it's distracting, so now they peckercheck us at the front desk & won't let us in if our bulge is deemed egregious

If you've never been accused of rape, you have no motion. If you've been accused 5+ times, you need to read 48 Laws of Power and get a reliable GHB plug

I like to imagine at least of one the Cornell 7 was in a Dmitri from The Brothers Karamazov situation where he merely sniffed ketamine off her ass but still caught charges because he was a groyper who constantly posted about rape. A tale as old as time.

Last girl I was with started crying and hitting me for no apparent reason, mostly striking the side of my head and chest so I knew she wasn't really that upset. I stood there and took it until she acted like she was trying to tackle me but ended up just wrapping her arms and legs around me, telling me to let her go even though I wasn't holding her at all. I stood with her like this for a couple minutes, the dampness of her vaginal walls seeping into my basketball shorts. All I wanted at that moment was for her to fall asleep soon so I could borrow her car. But nope, she just had to give some teary-eyed monologue granting me forgiveness for stealing all of her Adderall, not seeing her as a human being blah blah blah. Good body on her though, ballet dancer with an eating disorder. I used to lift her by the neck with one hand and do an overhead press for reps til she leveraged the bruises as evidence against me in a domestic dispute call, that little minx.

I've been playing 2K online with the same group of inner city teens for a year or so. One of their lightskin sisters got my snapchat and has been sending me salacious messages and now they all call me Vanilla Diddy. It doesn't bother me, this 7-OH lowkey has me feeling impervious

Hooked up with a 20yr old girl and found her Instagram later where she identifies as "genderqueer". Foids LARP like this online to seem unique and appease their in-groups. I saw the warning signs though, she mentioned wanting to kill herself many times and used an 8 inch strap-on

Anyone who says "meet your mutuals" is in a circle of milquetoast half-autists making 6figs yearning for polite relations. I met some of mine & started smoking half a G of meth daily after I realized crack was too expensive, totaled my car, my 3rd favorite egirl aborted our child

I saw an Amish girl riding a longboard with a teenage boy whose mom sells me duck eggs at the farmers' market. Then I got a 24 pack of coors at Kwik Trip where a young woman with the highest facial harmony profile I've ever beared witness to was the cashier and she held direct eye contact while smiling at me 3 times. The midwest is a fertile haven of beauty if you're always a little drunk and learn to avert your gaze when fat people are in your field of vision

In today's age, having a girlfriend is only beneficial by having her make you watch good movies & tv shows with her. I know how to get off on my own but I can't sit & watch something unless some little piece of ass is ovulating next to me. But no matter what, I always feel alone

There are mixed opinions on r/dating_advice on whether it's charming or in poor taste that every time I make initial penetration I say "don't mind if I do". The verdict seems ultimately predicated on how tall I am

After my dog died I didn't tell my vet so they kept filling his gabapentin prescription. I'd take half the bottle every other weekend which dispelled the encroaching malaise that's long haunted me. I knew I had to quit when I found myself genuinely enjoying watching Young Sheldon

Whose pussy is this? How does a clitoris even work? How can a loving God cause such agony? Is it ok that I'm filming?

Making love to my ex who was on the max dose of SSRi's felt about the same as gooning sans lube when I had a job pouring concrete, hands calloused as the day is long. But my god could she quote Camille Paglia. Now I use astroglide while plotting her death.. Only girl I ever loved

Got done jacking off in the starbucks bathroom & the homeless guy who was waiting saw me stuffing a picture of an anthropomorphic spider devouring its mate that I printed off at the library. He gave me a smarmy glance, said "Safe horny" & lit his crack pipe as the door shut on me