me: how far is the uber husband: $22

shit my husband says: "there's nothing worse than a right wife"

our plans are measured in centuries

shit my husband says: "you were saved"

shit my husband says: “his computer science education has ruined his critical thinking skills”

shit my husband says: “the child is an mev bot”

shit my husband says: “twitter is an incomplete education”

shit my husband says: “so many good internet things i find on the internet”

shit my husband says: “i hate the inverse scroll, what are you a fucking pilot”

shit my husband says: “i see wife is now in her manual labor arc”

shir my husband says: “this is the wimbledon snack!”

shit my husband says: “but is my wife ever really a lay person?”

shit my husband says: “man the future was better in the past”

shit my husband says: “you’re a couple zeros off bro”

shit my husband says: “i’m ready to be a lot more eccentric”

shit my husband says: “that is true, that is something i said”

shit my husband says when i tell him i’ve been adjusting the shower height: “oh, i thought it just slid down by itself everyday”

shit my husband says: “i do really this texture — where you’re not sure who is going to win, the teeth or the cookie”

shit my husband says: “there’s no point in this manual labor when there are machines”

shit my husband says to the tv: “that’s all we get for two hours invested? i already knew there was a baby because there’s no other reason for a 1 year time skip — nothing else interesting happens in a year”