Every full moon Hello Flesh brings your favorite werewolf his favorite, easy to prepare meat recipes! You’ll receive a box full of meat and recipe cards. This month try ‘Shredded Pork’, where you take a pig and shred it! Use the code GRRRRRRRR to save 30% off your first 3 boxes!

I haven’t had to use an @ElectrifyAm station in 4 years but wow they’re as cursed as ever. 3 stands out of order, one needed four attempts to start a charge. I miss my Tesla.

Look, you can SEE the liberation! 😂

Alaska Air announcement 2: “We’re late. Get the fuck on the plane as quick as possible. Because we’re late I’m gonna make you repack your shit if you brought too much shit. That will definitely not slow us down at all. Fuck you.”

Alaska Air customer service in Florida is like ‘Here’s an announcement: fuck you, get on the plane. Don’t ask me for shit.’

When you realize @GreystarApts charges you $15 a month for using the water heater that’s in your apartment that you already pay for the electric for.. fucking hell the nickle and diming never stops with these guys.

‘Sorry we missed you’ of course you bloody missed me @UPS your driver stood on the porch literally two seconds!

Fifty dollars for a whisky and coke, @stgpresents? This drink better get me fucking blasted.

A confusing first for the new year - someone porch pirated our @getridwell bags.

Malort: I had worse in prison.™️

I’m gonna add this emoji to my mute list because whenever I see it it’s always followed by some dumbass shit.

The security at @showboxpresents tonight was kind of ridiculous. I haven’t even had to take my belt off at the airport in a decade, and I’ve never had anyone ask me to take my collar off. WTF

And we wonder why people are pissed about healthcare.. thanks CVS.

Yeah, lead poisoning.

The @UPS trucks having a loud, piercing beeper connected to their hazard lights makes them the most obnoxious vehicle to park in our apartment complex. 15-20 minutes of.. "BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP"

Admittedly proud of this from a rant to @keybank - “Chances are good that once I’ve unraveled this mess I’ll go back to US Bank. They don’t treat me like a valued customer but at least they don’t treat me like a convict.”

Me and a group of fellow inmates stopped at a great diner the night before the event began. Great food, cool atmosphere. A perfect last meal before incarceration!

I must have made this for some reason but I cannot remember why. But I need to share it before I delete it. #SonicTheHotDog

Why do airlines sell the exit row as a premium seat with free alcohol if you have a responsibility to operate the exits in an emergency? 🤔