I find it better to write/read than to speak/listen for my thinking is more in lockstep and rhythm with the former than with latter.
Also, former is active workout like wrestling where I can’t easily move forward without having first wrestled with what I have written/read, whereas, in latter, I become a passive recipient with me not doing anything and having things done upon me.
I wonder why there is such emphatic focus on things like courage, hard-work, will-power, trying, and so on.
These things are force. Why use force?
Force is invoked (called upon) when there is conflict between two ideas. In this case-
a) I think I can’t do something or that it is “difficult,”
b) but at the same time think I should do that thing.
These things are called upon when there is fear of failure.
Where do these ideas come from - that I “should” do something, or that something is difficult and that I might fail.
Its all second-hand narrative, stories, viruses we inherit growing up.
I had the idea that I get this job, or someone, or something else; just having that idea kind of teleports me, and I see myself as someone already having that thing.
That gives a high. Its new, is exciting, its just for an instance, a flash against minds eye, but a flash is enough.
Its effect is same as drugs.
Planning, forecasting, predicting - its all drugs.
Drugs we take to bypass the pain of thinking, understanding, mistaking, drugs we take to conjure up a force field around our animalistic reality.
Doesn’t mean we stop doing that altogether. At the end of the day we are just monkeys with plans.
But as Oscar Wilde said,
"Everything in moderation, including moderation."
The cure to loneliness is suspension of social judgement.
Judgement gives a short high but separates us from others.
Kids don’t differentiate between ‘I’ and “you”. For them everyone is there to play. They don’t yet belong to particular group - family, nation, etc.
In time we start belonging and become a “someone”, someone who belongs to a particular group and not to other. We start drawing lines and divide the circle into so many parts and then see those other parts as alien.
This alienation is loneliness.

