A while ago, after writing here that I consider myself an Israeli and will remain one, I had a brief but interesting conversation with @susanabulhawa on this platform. She asked me (if memory serves) what it is that I miss about the Israel that precedes 7.10.23 and what to what am I holding on in my claim to be an Israeli. I answered that I may be a missing a load of lies but that I was born into this load. I grew up in a Hebrew-speaking family. I grew up Jewish, although Israel as a state attempted to produce its own version of Judaism, intensely nationalized (effectively substituting religion and culture for nationhood). I am 50 years old. A decision to simply repress or ignore my various imprints is one I (and I speak only for myself) have neither ability nor interest in making. During a broader discussion that preceded our brief exchange I wrote that I wanted to wholly remake Israel into a part of a single state in which Jews and Palestinians lived im full equality and dignity. Some time has passed. The overt degeneration of Israeli society grows harsher each day. I do not believe that any human group (or any human) possesses characteristics that are forever chiseled in stone. I don't think Israeli Jews are or were inherently evil. But now, after an occupation lasting nearly three generations and nearly three years of overt genocide and ethnic cleansing, I firmly believe that whenever Jewish Israeli society could choose evil over goodness and oppression over dignity, it did so. Jewish Israel is the sum of its choices and those were consistently corrupt, hollow and inhumane. They resulted in what I thought of as genocide by indifference and is now referred to genocide by attrition. All this to say that I have been thinking a lot about Ms. Abulhawa's question. I have come to realize that I miss nothing about the Israel that was and I abhor the Israel that now slouches towards Bethlehem to be born. What I want is a national and cultural identity built on the riches of Judaism and on the complete rejection of supremacy alongside the complete adoption of dignity and equality. I do not want to be deported once the current Israel is dismantled. I also belong here, not because my grandparents stole it but because it is my reality, my past and future. That fact by itself rights no wrongs. Israel in its supremacist form deserves no pity. Israelis must redefine their very being in order to be heard. I do not know when and how this will happen. With the best of my ability, I pledge myself to this cause. I expect nothing in return. This is my albatross. I would like to think that I can be accepted here. I am of this land. I would appreciate an opportunity to live out my sense of belonging.