Alex Berry

theguardian.com/commentisfre… great article from @missdianemorgan. Last June, @DPDgroup_news delivered a package to a 13 year old kid stood at the bus stop at the end of our driveway because we weren't in (it was 730 am) package contained 2 bottles of rum and one bottle of whiskey...

'Sorry - our staff are off and we won't be dealing with membership queries until our clubs are open' So in essence: 1. Our club might be open at some point 2. We're going to take your anyway 3. You can't talk to us until it's open, which is after we take your money.

They then go on to say that they've improved safety by decreasing the capacity at their clubs - something that was already at a premium pre-lockdown. Naturally, you can still sign up to become a new member. 'OK' we think. We'll mail them to ask to pause our membership further..

Just had a mail from them: 'Your club can't open immediately, but we're still going to take your money. Don't worry though, here's 5 free guest passes that we'll then use to harass whoever you bring to sign up'

In essence, @HSBC_UK have told sarah that they definitely sent a letter, despite them not being able to send letters, and the only way to sort it out was to go to a branch, which they wouldn't advise. All to fix a problem cause by them giving the wrong advice in the first place.

so then, after claiming Shroedinger's letter did definitely exist, we had this from @HSBC_UK H: 'You need to go into a branch' S: 'But we're in lockdown' H: 'Yes, I wouldn't advise that' S: 'Ok, so what do i do?' H: 'Well, you have to go to a branch' Whut?

Customer service 101 from @HSBC_UK here: Sarah: 'I haven't received this letter' HSBC: 'We definitely sent this letter' S: 'Well, I didn't receive it. Can you please resend it?' H: 'No' S: 'Why?' H: 'Our department don't send letters' ?????

Dear #WhiskySanta, please may you put Rammstein Rum from @MasterofMalt under my tree? I've been really good this year! masterofmalt.com/asksanta/ru…

Hey, @adamhillscomedy #isitok that even the Brexit wikipedia page is too long to navigate comfortably?

ah @NatWest_Help - proving that the best way to avoid bad customer feeback is to completely ignore your customers altogether

Been using Boomerang boomeranggmail.com to schedule messages in Gmail or make emails go away until I'm ready. Highly recommended.

cc @HoldTightPR