Freelance writer and funnylady. Author of A Perfect Facebook Life, out 4/6/21 Order here: https://xitter.cf/t.co/XEqGlZpwxL

Connecticut, USA
Joined June 2008
It's publication day! A PERFECT FACEBOOK LIFE is out today: amazon.com/Perfect-Facebook-…
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S'mores are a delicious combination of three things that come out of packages. If you try to make an elevated s'more from scratch and call it a traditional s'more, you are wrong. The messy ones are the most authentic. The ones on fire are the MOST authentic. #GBBO
After watching GBBO murder American food this season, I now know how residents of remote European villages have been feeling for years when Paul has demanded their traditional regional favorites in technical challenges.
8-yo: "Mom, what's an attack ad?" Me: "If you were running against me in an election your team would make me sound like a bad person, like 'Did you know that Mom had 3 glasses of wine after dinner on Saturday? Does anyone know HOW MANY pairs of shoes are in Mom's Amazon cart?"
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"Mom says she's responsible but lost the Cub Scouts admission form for THREE WEEKS. How can we trust Mom if she said no to buying you a rabbit, but has ALMOST 20 CHICKENS??" 8-yo: "... please don't run for anything."
Me, making fun of film noir: "Mr. Marlowe. I'm a rich widow with loose morals. Please, help me!" 8 y-o sashaying in, making fun of me: "Oh help me, Mr. Jenson, I'm a witch widow with lost marbles!"
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All rich widows in film noir will now be looking for their marbles.
8 y-o keeps running into my office, screaming Rick Astley lyrics at me, and yelling "I RICKROLLED YOU"
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This is just a warning to all my clients. I will try not to get "never gonna give you up" in your copy, but no promises today
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Woodstock ‘99 on Netflix is both horrifying and, as someone who was the right age for it but couldn’t afford to go, validating.
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Blog post marketing pro-tip: "Fight me" is not an ideal CTA. Yes, it's a clear, concise call to action, but it's not going to sell any widgets.
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Let women characters in fiction be unlikeable! Let them be angry and stinky! People are all those things, and women are people. instagram.com/p/CbtPlbILb5T/…
Do I apologize for nothing? Yes. Do I then apologize for apologizing? ...yes. But should we apologize? No.
One of the nice things about being in remote marketing vs being a reporter is that I can absolutely knit during hour-long webinars without angering everyone around me.
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The longer I keep a bullet journal the more I think illuminated manuscripts were just monks' excuse to doodle
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I mean, yes, all my appointments are in there, but also I drew a lady bug and a cup of coffee
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Trying to get work done but