___OSB___

Truth 😭

When all of this is over I’m applying to work at B&Q. Between my lockdown DIY efforts and past dating history I’ve become quite the expert on tools.

Lockdown with your man... Him: Look at this Me: I hope it’s not his willy again. For the love of God, find a vaccine!

Lockdown Day Three: I’ve got 99 problems and actually contracting Covid-19 ain’t one.

Don’t be thinking outside the box to keep your woman entertained during lockdown. She wants deep fried cheese and a separate room away from you. Get back in your fucking box.

“It’s not even 10am and I’ve done three loads of washing, cleaned the house, become bilingual and turned water into wine”. Pipe down love, nobody likes a lockdown twat.

Lockdown friend: I’ve done a Joe Wicks workout, deep conditioned my hair, saved the whales and been for a run. Lockdown Me: I’ve had two pot noodles and a nap.

I was prepared for a lock down...I wasn’t prepared for my dad self isolating with a smart phone and learning how to send memes. Is there some sort of government support for this?

All of the beauty shops have closed for a couple of months. No lashes, tans, nails, brows, waxing... Men of the UK: brace yourselves. You’re about to see what your bird really looks like 🤪

Lockdown Tips 1. A shit load of wine 2. A pre-planned place to bury him - we all know it’s gonna come to that 3. Martial Law will happen soon: practice a sexy loitering face 4. Can’t hurt to shave your legs, there’ll be soldiers everywhere soon 5. A decent flame thrower or cosh

If you’re on lockdown with: 1. A garden 2. A shit load of wine 3. A man that doesn’t do your head in 4. And a fuck load of paracetamol ...then you’re living the dream

🙊

Honesty 🙌