Joined March 2019
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NOBODY WARNED ME AT 30. SO I'M WARNING YOU. 1. Your parents are not side characters.
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I have a mother, who i admitted all my faults and my deepest problems to when i was a child, without ever showing the slightest bit of judgment, ever. She isn‘t christian, but definitely holy
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I had a vision that i was whipped by the angels after i get home, for everything i did wrong, felt wrong, thought wrong, and for every time i hurt the heart of God. and i enjoyed it. it felt like bliss, probably because i deserve worse.
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at these times, i am unwell with the state of my soul and heart.
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Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, please have mercy on me, an evil sinner, who does not know what he‘s doing, but keeps on going anyways for your sake and the sake of love, hoping for your mercy and intercession
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C. S. Lewis, quit worrying and go do something real
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no, the world is good. there’s still much goodness in it. no doomerism nor pessimism nor nihilism. the end is coming but we’re yet far from it. you get the sense that corruption has swarmed and eaten up the world so conclusively that no good remains. that’s simply untrue. it’s only what people tend to concentrate on. refine your antenna to filter out the noise. I swear if you reflect about today only, you will find you’ve had at least one positive contact where someone helped you / smiled in your face. zero in on it. amplify it. celebrate it. that will actually make you experience more of it. and perhaps, even help you become the source of it. for all mankind.
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Love is doing something you hate for their sake. Love is staying when the feeling has already left the room. It isn’t the spark. It’s the decision that keeps making breakfast, keeps telling the truth, keeps the name in your mouth after it would be easier to forget. Love is the cross before it is the mood. Anyone can feel. Love pays.
Love is remembering
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WOMAN SPENDS $1,000 TO MEET CHRIS BROWN BUT USES THE MOMENT TO PRAY FOR HIM INSTEAD OF TAKING A PHOTO.
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The masculine urge to die for her in order to compensate for my own shortcomings in Love
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"Sometimes the devil deceives us and makes us unable to be pleased with anything; however, one can celebrate all things in a spiritual manner, with doxology, and secure God’s constant blessing." - St. Paisios of Mt. Athos
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“Do not call God just, for His justice is not manifest in the things concerning you.” ~ St. Isaac the Syrian
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I used to think strong faith meant never having doubts. I’m learning that faith isn’t pretending I have everything figured out. It’s trusting Jesus even when I don’t. My confidence isn’t in how perfectly I understand God. It’s in the God I’m learning to trust. “I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24
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my philosophy: I care so much about what I do as I am doing it, making sure it is as perfected as my ability would allow, to then, after finishing doing it, not caring about it at all. that’s the aim anyway. people think I’m bipolar. in truth, it is this: I do my part, and that is to pour my whole soul and consciousness into whatever I do—work, relationship, leisure (yes even leisure), because I owe it to God to live every moment to its metaphysical fullest. this is worship actually (hence my bio: moving with the sole purpose of worship), and soft, half-focused half-not living is half worship. it’s not noble. revelation 3:16: “so, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.” and after I do my part, I aim to utterly and completely let go, allowing God to do His part. because if there’s “spillage” of caring from domains you’re responsible for into domains which you are not, you interfere. and mess with the outcome. I try to stay in my own lane and not attach to the outcome, but I cannot always. hardly a surprise. I’m human after all. and thus am “of” the world. and tempted to want results how I want them. if I don’t eat, I get hungry, and sometimes that makes me want to “rush” the outcome. but if anything, that is an exhibition of poor faith, because God will feed me when the time is right, and infinitely better than my limited mind can imagine. so do, and let go. that’s my philosophy.
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The prophetic earthquake in prayer In the eyes of the world, the man who desires to become a disciple in the Kingdom of God appears to be bordering on madness. Again and again with a painful heart, he confesses his wretched condition to God; yet this madness is holy, divine. Saint Sophrony observed that, ‘The diapason of Christian life ranges far beyond ordinary human hearing.’⁴³ By this he meant that the Christian truly lives in some ways as a madman, because the awareness of his fall, the consciousness of his spiritual poverty, his thirst for reconciliation with God, and at the same time his knowledge of his sublime destiny, ordained before the foundation of the world, create an incomprehensible tension in his life. -Prayer as an infinite creation-
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My devotional loop: wake before the sun, cold water on face, kneel on the tile until it burns, three chapters old testament, one chapter gospel, black coffee, fast until noon, tithe ten percent, resent it, walk to work praying for my enemies by name, lie to a coworker, confess in the elevator, ecclesiastes at lunch, call my mother, dont call my sister, evening prayer halfhearted, wine with dinner, read one church father, feel like an insect, look at my hands, ask forgiveness for the same sin, receive it, dont believe it, receive it anyway, negotiate with God in bed like abraham over sodom, the city is me, whisper i believe help my unbelief, fall asleep
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turns out the attention span crisis is atleast *checks notes* two thousand years old
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WHY DID GOD CREATE MAN IF HE KNEW WE WOULD FALL? This is the question atheists love to hurl like a weapon, and quite a few Christians may not know how to properly answer this. “If God is all knowing and He knew mankind would sin, why create us at all?” They think it exposes a flaw in God. It does not. It exposes a misunderstanding of love. Every parent understands this instantly. You know your child will disobey. You know they will make mistakes, rebel, and sometimes break your heart. Yet you still choose to have them because love is worth the risk. God did not create robots. He created image bearers with the power to choose. Love that is programmed is not love. Obedience that is forced is not devotion. For love to be real, rejection had to be possible. God knew the cost of freedom and He chose to pay it. And He paid it in blood. Before Adam ever took a breath, the cross was already in God’s heart. The fall was not a surprise. Redemption was the plan. God allowed sin so He could reveal something greater than a sinless world ever could. Mercy. Grace. Sacrificial love. The Creator stepping into His own creation to rescue the very people who would reject Him. So when atheists ask why God made man knowing we would fall, the answer is devastatingly simple. He made us because love is worth the risk. And He proved it by sending Jesus. You were not created by accident. You were created for reconciliation. “And God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
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