I spent years trying to fix everything.
Every time something broke I fixed it.
Every time something collapsed I rebuilt it.
Every time pain arrived I tried to make it stop.
And then the next wave came anyway.
I finally understood why.
A Must Read.
The cycle does not break through fixing.
It does not break through surviving, rebuilding, or moving forward with more determination than before.
It breaks when you find the source of the pain— the original wound, the thing your identity was gripped around so tightly that every threat to it felt like a threat to your existence.
And you learn to loosen.
Not to cut it off but to loosen.
When I loosened my grip I did not get control.
I got something better than control.
The freedom to experience pain without being governed by it.
To feel the weight of what I was carrying and still remain, underneath it, at peace.
I wrote a book about this entire journey.
Not from a comfortable place of having achieved complete freeedoy.
But drom the middle of the road, still walking, still learning, still occasionally reaching for the grip when the loosening frightens me.
Every chapter was lived before it was written.
It is called The Light: A Pursuit Of Peace.
It is for anyone carrying pain they have not yet known how to face.
Anyone tired of the cycle.
Anyone ready to understand what is actually driving it.
The full essay is on Medium — link below.
The book is available now.
Selar — ₦3,500
Amazon Kindle — $4.99
Amazon Paperback — $10.99
(Link in bio)
Check the first comment for the full Medium Article and more details.
Why do we get punished for every failure?
In school, whenever we failed a homework or a class exercise we were always punished for it before a correction was demonstrated.
At home, whenever we fail to complete a task or fail in behavior or manners, a punishment always awaits us.
I have always wondered: “ why am I being punished when a simple correction could have been suffixed?”
One might argue that kids or perhaps humans in general can not assimilate corrections quickly without punishment to guide them. But this isn't sufficient to justify why even the slightest missteps often feels like a fall from a mountain.
In trying to find a better explanation, I stumbled upon a mirror with the truth.
Perhaps others punish us for our failures because we seem to accept these punishments, not because it is always deserved or without an alternative, but because we have always punished ourselves internally and in bits way before others started to punish us.
As a kid, give me a puzzle, I will attempt to solve it and if or when I fail, I beat myself up with tantrums and grumbles.
As a teen, my failure to figure something out was equated to a death sentence to my ego.
As an adult every time I relapsed on my addictions, I blamed myself and punished myself with regrets and further self destruction.
Everytime I failed in a relationship, I looked within and called myself the problem. Every time something went wrong, I buried myself in isolation and turned off the lights so darkness could consume me further.
Perhaps it is not about why others punish us but about why we seek punishment for every failure ourselves.
And the answer may lie in our evaluation of guilt as a verdict.
I am Chizobam Emmanuel Olise, A philosopher, writer, public speaker, founder - Zobam Library.
Author of the books:
The Light: A Pursuit Of Peace
It focuses on pain and explores the possibility of attaining peace.
The Lost : A Passage Away From Pleasure
It focuses on addiction, precisely addiction to porn and masturbation and how best to navigate your way out.
Link to my books can be found on my bio. Or you can send me a DM.
Foden last goal before just recently was in December 2025. Let's discuss that.
This is a stupid question.
No one is running from loneliness, we are all running from "too much" of ourselves.
That's why we seek love, to feel the external.
... @AirtelNigeria whats the score between Arsenal and Nottingham forest? Who took the last throw in?
Be fast with the update.
The orange can no longer be ignored now... Twitter has fucked with my brain 🤦🏼♂️.
On Tuesday, Minister Toluwanisings was ministering at a worship concert in Ibadan. Less than 24 hours later, he was dead. He was 41.
His PA says they took him to seven or eight hospitals after he slumped. Some had no doctor. Some said their doctors were on strike. Some wouldn’t take him.
Let us talk about what actually determines whether somebody survives something like this.
Dear person who broke free from something that was destroying you:
- The urge weakened. The days added up.
- And now a quieter pain has arrived.
- It is the pain the crisis was covering.
Nobody warned you that freedom would be this silent.
This is what comes next. Read this.
A crisis is loud. It takes all your attention. It gives you an enemy and a reason for everything.
Then it ends, and the noise leaves.
What remains is what the noise was covering: the grief, the shame, the emptiness you were medicating.
Recovery does not always bring relief. Sometimes it brings the first honest silence of your life.
That silence is the next stage.
The first battle was to survive. The work now is to understand.
If you read - The Lost, you know the first battle.
You broke free. Now what?
That question is the reason I wrote the second book.
The Light: A Pursuit of Peace.
Book Two of From Lost to Light to Life.
₦3,500 on Selar (Ebook)
₦7,000 on Pabpub (Hardcopy)
$4.99 Kindle / $10.99 paperback on Amazon.
Link available on my bio.
If The Lost found you, The Light is next. And if you have not read The Lost, you can begin here.
I spent years treating the symptoms of a wound I had never looked at.
Here is what I finally understood.
Every time I was hurt in the present, my reaction was larger than the event.
I called myself sensitive. I was actually reacting to something older.
The bruise is the original wound. The first time you learned that you were not safe, or not enough, or not chosen.
It stays buried, and life keeps pressing on it.
That is why a small rejection can feel like an execution.
It is not touching the new hurt. It is touching the bruise.
Finding where a wound began is not blaming. It is finding the source.
And the pain cycle only breaks at the source.
Chapter Three of my book, The Bruise, walks through this.
The Light: A Pursuit of Peace.
Check the link on my bio.
Send this to someone who says they are "just sensitive".
Things are hard? Yes
Will 50 litres last you a lifetime? No
Is 50k worth more than your life? No
Is this rubbish worth the risk? No
Is this a basic calculation? Yes
Do I feel pity for these people? Only for the ones who were trying to seal off the place but got caught up in the inferno.
I'm glad this is happening.
Many of u called for this years back, no one should act ignorant.
Today in my presence men of @CCSoludo ỌCHA BRIGADE. At upper iweka opposite Toronto filling station along owerri road.
Caught a men becos he threw away a corn stake and beat him to death in my presence
This is me recording them beating him cos I was held in their vehicle too.
Chizobam Emmanuel Olise (Zobam Library) retweeted
We have NBM.
We have The Buccaneers.
We have the Norsemen/SVC.
We have the SEC.
We have the Maph, KK, 22, etc.
The motto of -
NBM: Social Justice and Equality (Fight against oppression).
SVC: Service to Humanity.
SEC: Correction from wrong to right (NF/NF).
MAPH: Justice and Protection.
Etc.......
These associations have ground men who are ready to open the gate of hell at any time of day.
If you visit NAIJA CONFRA’S PAGE, you will see that they open that gate of hell every day...
But not to our evil politicians and their children.
Not to terrorists and bandits.
They open it for each other and to each other.
Now, go back and read the mottos again.
History has shown that organised brotherhoods do not have to exist only for themselves.
In Italy, the Carbonari fraternity challenged absolute rule and pushed for constitutional government.
In Germany, the Burschenschaften, which were actual student fraternities, became associated with demands for liberty, national reform and constitutional government, to the point that the political establishment tried to suppress them.
There have been fraternities and brotherhoods whose members looked beyond internal rivalry and directed their organisation towards confronting the political conditions affecting ordinary people.
So what exactly prevents the Nigerian versions from using their networks, numbers, influence, and discipline for building each other rather than fighting one another?
With the sophisticated network these associations have, if they focus even 5% of their energy, organisation and ruggedness on helping the country regain sanity and putting serious civic pressure on the corridors of political power, they would actually be practising what their mottos preach.
But instead, some of them have become tools in the hands of the same political class they should be questioning.
Some of the politicians, governors, ministers and senators we complain about are themselves not strangers to these systems. Some are old metals, old ships, old birds in the game.
Social Justice and Equality.
Yet injustice surrounds us.
Service to Humanity.
Yet Nigerians are being killed and tormented by their politicians.
Correction from Wrong to Right.
Yet the wrong people continue to rule without serious resistance from these supposedly powerful networks.
Justice and Protection.
Yet ordinary people keep asking: justice for who, and protection from what?
You all need to go back to the drawing board if you have any... Because if your brotherhood claims to stand for justice, humanity, equality, and correction of wrong, then the biggest test of that creed should not be another confraternity.
It should be the condition of the society you live in.
I remember one confraternity clash I witnessed back then in DELSU.
It started over something almost ridiculous.
Mr A looked at Mr B in a way Mr B didn’t like. Mr B confronted him and told him that if he wasn’t careful, he would “die like a chicken.”
That one statement became the spark.
Before long, it turned into a full-blown bloody clash that spread from DELSU down to Asaba.
I was at Naira & Kobo that night, having pepper soup with my lodge mates, and Mr B was also at Naira & Kobo.
Mr A arrived with his squad.
And just like that, the gate of hell opened.
You know why I referenced that experience? Because it showed me that men who can mobilise that quickly, & organise that fiercely with that level of intensity clearly have enormous collective power.
The tragedy is where that power is often directed.
Imagine if a fraction of that same coordination, courage and brotherhood were redirected toward resisting injustice and demanding accountability from leaders.
That is the contradiction I am talking about.
Your motto says justice.
Your motto says humanity.
Your motto says correction.
Your motto says protection.
So why is so much of the fire reserved for one another?
100% of NIGERIA’s problem? It is a people problem. OUR IDEOLOGY.
















