You're right. The world DOES need another novel about an aging English professor's affair with a nubile young co-ed.

When I told that Paul Ryan guy that vampires were the future, I didn't think he'd take it so metaphorically. Sorry.

What if the Confederates won... and also what if they were sexy vampires?

Ennui is always in style.

DeviantArt is public domain, right?

Okay, but WHAT IF we lived in a world where, get this, white people were persecuted?

Kudos for including such a well-developed gay character! Have you figured out how you're going to kill them yet?

That superhero movie pitch is okay, but think about how much better it'd be if you made it an origin story.

It's finally an election year! Don't you think it's about time you started that heavy-handed political allegory?

Can't wrap your head around kids these days? Consider adoption! At worst, you can always wring a heart-wrenching memoir out of it.

If you get stuck, just kill a character. If you get really stuck, kill them all.

Deadlines are for hacks. YOU'RE an artist.

Having trouble coming up with a good resolution? Have you considered "It was all a dream"?

It's still not too late to add a vampire. #NaNoWriMo

I mean, it's good, but is it a Johnny Depp vehicle?

Plucky orphans solving mysteries.

Show, don't tell: try replacing adjectives with emoji.

Animals' thought processes and social dynamics are probably just like cuter versions of ours.

Are you sure it's clear what happened last chapter? Maybe you should stage a conversation where your protagonist can recap it in detail.

Make this one the story that proves to your asshole ex beyond all shadow of doubt that they really loved you all along.

Your protagonist should be an everyman, which is to say exactly like you but with better romantic prospects.