@WittenJoey
 Manhattan, NY
youtu.be/xzlVvhbrx7k
Joined September 2015
  • Tweets2.2K
  • Following584
  • Followers448
62Media
Going on the @insomniacookies website and it asks if I accept all cookies. As long as they're not oatmeal. Why else would I be here???
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Not to flex but my phone didn't make a sound with the emergency alert test today. I may be late to find out if a nuke is coming but at least the signal didn't activate my vaccine. Take that, libs!
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Joey Witten retweeted
Sam Reich@samreich15 Jul 2023
A thread about the strike and Dropout production: 👇✊
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my favorite part about getting circumcised as an adult is they let you pick the style of cut
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baby’s first valentine’s day 💖 thanks @hinge
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Joey Witten retweeted
Davram@davramdavram29 Nov 2022
Kyle Rittenhouse thinks he’s JESUS CHRIST whereas this veteran thinks he’s an INSURGENT. Slightly different takes.
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How has @elonmusk not been Christmas caroled yet?
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Replying to @BrunoMars
@BrunoMars my roommate, @dgamerdude , really liked your performance at the Baron investment conference today. He can't wait to buy tickets for your next concert. He said you are a very talented performer.
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Just to clarify: this is not sarcastic.
spot the difference
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I just witnessed a bird fall from the sky, dead. I've read enough Shakespeare to know that shit is about to go DOWN
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#NewProfilePic
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Two weeks ago, I had four precious 12-year-old girls, including my daughter, with me at the county fair. They were getting blue Icees and corndogs for the walk to the car and ride home. (1/21)
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Joey Witten retweeted
lauren@laurenmadsennn25 Jul 2022
“working on a cruise is the arts school version of joining the military”
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If you are having a bad day, open this.
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What’s the difference between god and transgender people? Transgender people exist.
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Joey Witten retweeted
Olivia@labias_corpus24 Jun 2022
I’ve had Crunchwraps more supreme than this court
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Joey Witten retweeted
Judd Legum
@JuddLegum10 Jun 2022
1. This will be a thread of corporations that plastered their social media accounts with rainbows for Pride Month ➕ How much those corporations donated to anti-LGBTQ politicians since 2021 Follow along if interested.
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Joey Witten retweeted
Ben Rosen@ben_rosen31 May 2022
*turning to my wife as tom cruise sends a text message in top gun maverick* you know he really learned to text for this
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A thread of Bunsen and Beaker loving you for who you are. #Dogs 🧵
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