>on my first date with my mathematically optimised state-assigned breeding partner from the singapore government’s new ‘you are completely useless looks like we are going have to help you have sex’ app >really nervous, sweating profusely and struggling to make eye contact >ghost of lee kuan yew appears >“come on you herbivore make a damn move” he says >pull out my spaghetti and drop it >“she is literally mathematically optimised for you please it’s this or we start artificially inseminating people to raise birth rates” he says >mumble some weird comment about her smell in a flat zoomer monotone voice >“put your fucking penis inside her for god’s sake” he says