We’ve seen your questions on Black Noir’s whereabouts, and can assure you he has merely departed on yet another critical mission overseas. If he could speak, he would tell you reports of his demise are greatly exaggerated. Thank you for your service, Noir, and for being the best bro this nation could ask for!

Beginning today, Vought+ will feature content warnings on films like Dawn of the Seven. While they provide immense entertainment and are important works of art, we acknowledge they present a traitor like Homelander in a positive light. Please watch with caution, and have honest conversations with your little ones about what they see!

Effective today, Homeland will be rebranding back to Voughtland, because we’d never want images of a monster like Homelander to discourage your little ones from having a Super time. Still serving Brave Maeve’s Inclusive Quesadillas and Maevos Rancheros for the low price of $29.99 each + tax and tip!

Vought is proud to partner again with the newly relaunched FBSA for a brighter and safer future. As you know, we’ve summarily fired every Superhero who supported Homelander, and now someone needs to keep the streets safe from these dangerous malcontents. We look forward to working closely with whoever President Singer chooses as the FBSA's new head!

On the Lord’s Day, we take a moment to remember Oh Father, who was brutally murdered by Homelander in his recent reign of terror. He was a spiritual leader unlike any other, and his voice will never be gagged. Rest in power, Oh Father!

Vought is actively reviewing all mandates and legislation passed during the Homelander era and seeking to right any wrongs. Today, we can confirm that posting Homelander memes like this one on social media is now legal again, and any patriots who were charged with seditious online activity will be granted a clean slate!

Bro down, patriots. The Deep heroically gave his life saving his beloved marine animals from the Vought Pipeline, which to be clear, was a product of the corrupt Homelander administration. Dolphins and octopi everywhere are in mourning, and Manhandled Podcast is on pause until further notice.

Vought is taking responsibility for all of the nice things we said about Ashley Barrett, who girlbossed too close to the sun. Now, we’re proud to support Bob Singer, who we’ve always had a super relationship with. Welcome back Bob, we hope you’re not two-faced like Ashley was!

Today, Vought can confirm that the footage from the Oval Office was real and not AI (which stands for artificial intelligence). Vought disavows Homelander’s seditious actions in the strongest possible terms, and we’re grateful to the heroic men and women of the CIA!

Vought International is thrilled to welcome back Stan Edgar as Chief Executive Officer, effective immediately. It’s a new dawn for Vought, one which Stan is well-positioned to lead us into. Great news shareholders, stock prices are through the roof and EBITDA margins are on the rise already!

A statement from Vought International.

While we mourn the tragic loss of President Calhoun, who died of acute indigestion, we celebrate Ashley Barrett, the first Super AND first female President. She’s worked hard for everything she’s accomplished, and we’re sure she’ll bring that woman-of-the-people energy to the Oval Office.

Effective immediately, Homelander has disbanded The Seven in favor of a more efficient, streamlined approach. He has always been our greatest hero, and no longer needs the help of others to protect this great nation. One might wonder if his back hurts from carrying the team all these years, but lucky for us, he doesn’t feel pain!

There’s only one man great enough to reboot the entire universe. And he was kind enough to sit down recently with @THR to discuss shelving Phases 7 through 19, and what comes next. Vought Studios has never been stronger with his creative vision!

Today, we are proud to help introduce a new spokesperson for @liquiddeath – Ashley Barrett. Just like Homelander, she cares deeply about what Americans put in their bodies. Throw out your nut milk and treat yourself to an easy drinking sparkling energy – guaranteed to not explode your head! (NOTE: President Barrett was still Vice President at time of filming)

We trust that right now, the angels on high are singing the name of Homelander. And lucky for us, we have the voice of an angel in Oh Father to “Raise Him Up” here. Watch his full performance and stream the song that’s already climbed to the top of the Voughtify charts!

Crime Analytics is aware of images circulating that appear to be red beams in locations around the world. And with our proprietary technology, Vought can confirm these are NOT heat vision rays, but merely AI-generated and/or UFOs. Homelander has been hard at work in New York and Washington D.C. and would never be reckless enough to fire into the sky like this!

Here’s one from the archives featuring an original hero, Bombsight. He and his good friend Soldier Boy not only kept America safe from Communists, but also were the face of many new revolutionary products like this one. Then and now, you can always trust a hero-recommended brand!

Firecracker was a defender of honest, common sense straight talk. But tragically, Starlight doesn’t want you to know the truth, so she murdered Firecracker in cold blood. Rest in power Firecracker. We’re sure you’re soaring to Heaven on the wings of an eagle!

As gas prices skyrocket, Deep has taken matters into his muscular hands. He’s worked with Vought Petroleum to open an eco-friendly pipeline in Alaskan waters that delivers gas to your tank and cash to your wallet. Deep says sea life is stoked with America’s Energy Independence!