Valgeir Automatique

Telling Granville they know. Watching him freeze.

Watching an American choke on his martini.

Waiting for Americans to colonize Copenhagen Airport next.

Watching Pete Campbell die in Venice

Reminding Winston that women, like tweed jackets, are meant to be admired quietly.

Driving Europe. Solving crimes.

Missing old pal Magne. Wishing.

Telling Byron not to worry.

Watching Bono drown in Glühwein at the Frankfurter Hof.

Watching Johnson feed Lutheran priests to my fictional wife during a conference call.

Watching them cover up Mozart's real stay in Venice during the carnival. #theory

Watching millennial friends instagramming themselves with Venice from the Frankfurt train.

Watching my fictional wife tighten chokehold slowly.

Tenderly watching Hildegard Knef at Victoria Bar.

Wondering if pretty Parisian girls can cook.

#theory Suspecting von Karajan of still conducting Europe from the Frankfurter Hof.

Watching Jeff Bridges high-fiving a growling Dalmatian at the edge of European civilization.

Infiltrating Cuba's underground. Crushing Castro's movement.

Telling Manolo about American conspiracies.

Telling Gary Beethoven which journalist's head to rip off.