Unius Exercitus

Dearest mother — The quill has never felt more heavy. I have made the decision to holster my sidearm permanently. I shall battle no more. The decision is difficult, but, as the hogs taught me, I must be true to myself. I am coming home to care for you and the farm. — Andrew

Dearest mother — I write you so full of joy, I might burst. Our unit secured yet another victory. That makes five straight, or an entire hand. The Dolphin men put up a great fight, but our aquatic drilling paid dividends. Our trusted sniper capped the win. I am beaming. — Andrew

Dearest mother — The men have mended their wounds and spirits in short order. They had little choice. We must move out this morning to begin our march to Boston. There, Gen. “Stoneface” Belichick and his band of Patriots await battle. Our unit yearns for another victory. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Although the unit fought hard, we were bested by the Tiger men. Do not fret. All will be OK. It was glorious to see the men working as one. My sidearm was true. This marks the beginning of a long campaign that’ll have many chapters on the way to victory. — Andrew

Dearest mother — Our unit’s cherished chronicler, Bob Lamey, is retiring from service. Well earned. His accounts of our battles through the years have traveled far and wide. ‘twas he who gave our supporters the most vivid picture of our campaigns. Farewell. — Andrew