overeducated punk rock princess turned volvo-driving soccer mom // now on mastodon: @unexpectedsahm@universeodon.com
Joined July 2011
- Tweets19.4K
- Following1.4K
- Followers7.2K
- Likes72.9K
Pinned Tweet
Man: *has existential crisis*
Woman: *postpones her existential crisis until after work is done, her family is fed, housework is finished, and the kids are in bed*
Unexpected SAHM retweeted
women don’t want diamonds we want rings with hidden compartments where we can store poison to vanquish our enemies
4: What do you like to order?
Me: Can I have a daughter who goes to bed when I tell her to?
4: Um, we don’t have that. Order something else.
So…in The Descendants universe, why are all the villains single parents?
If Bridget hadn’t become evil, she would have had different relationships, so how does Red still exist? Why aren’t Red’s memories altered?
Why am I spending my last week of summer asking these questions?
Sometimes your kids delay bedtime by fabricating stories of things that go bump in the night.
Other times you’re proven a liar by a very real raccoon in your attic going bump in the night.
Pretty sure if you hang up “The Ten (Duel) Commandments” in a classroom, students will spontaneously start dueling.
But what do I know? I’m just a middle school teacher, not a lawmaker.
The Olympics are crazy because I can not care about sports at all and then suddenly be willing to commit murder on behalf of a runner from Florida that I had not heard of prior to this week.
Unexpected SAHM retweeted
My kid just pulled some hidden candy from the back of the pantry and proclaimed, “Finders Eaters!”
