Mostly here for collegiate sports, but not always. Married to @ashleybouvet
Joined September 2013
- Tweets5.2K
- Following117
- Followers142
- Likes6.3K
Darth Dad retweeted
Adding my 2 cents as a woman in a longterm relationship:
- Do not nag, ever.
- Always receive things graciously.
- Express gratitude for everything he does for you.
- Do not criticise or belittle him, ever. Most especially in front of other people.
- Tell him you’re proud of him, often.
- Smile at him, often.
- Don’t speak negatively about him to your girlfriends (all they hear is the bad & eventually they will tell you to leave him).
- Learn when to shut up.
- When he’s going out with his friends tell him “hope you have a great night”. Then just, simply, don’t blow up his phone. Do your own thing, have a bath, read a book, relax.
- It is not his job to make you happy it is yours, he simply adds to it.
- Don’t say “you never do x” because he will continue to never do that. You’re just affirming the negative. Instead of “you never take me on dates anymore” say “I would love to go out for dinner, just the two of us.”
- Don’t ever bring up something while you’re angry & upset. Calm down. Think it through properly. State how you feel in 1-2 sentences.
- Let him drive. Let him open the pickle jar. Let him lead the way while out in public.
The incel men in my comments want me to tell women what to do. So here we go:
- stop listening to brain rot podcasts (like Call Her Daddy). No smart woman I know listens to this stuff. It’s entertainment at best but certainly not female empowerment. Think about the kind of life you want to build and the kind of woman you actually want to be. Not every conversation about sex, relationships, dating etc is “wisdom.” Some things are sacred.
- do not confuse independence with not needing anyone. You can be independent and still lean on others. You can be independent and still want a husband and a family. You need to allow men the opportunity to be men. Men like to feel needed. Men like to feel like they’re providing value to you. Let them.
- men are in fact not the enemy. Stop treating them as such. You can acknowledge the very real problems women face. But that does not mean men, as a whole, are the problem. Contempt and bitterness will not build better relationships (with anyone).
- have standards but make sure you meet them yourself. Would you date you? If you want someone disciplined loyal emotionally mature financially stable funny kind smart etc then you better be able to tit for tat. You can’t expect the world and give nothing in return. If you’re not the woman you want to be yet, focus your attention on becoming her.
- you must learn the difference between a good man and an exciting man. Inconsistent / emotionally unavailable/ hot and cold is not “chemistry.” Red flags. Move on. Or continue to get led on and quit complaining about them idk what to tell you. If you’re confused, they don’t like you. If they like you, you will know. This goes for guys as well.
- you can be warm, receptive, nurturing and kind and still be intelligent and ambitious. You’re multifaceted. Your softness is not a weakness. It makes you feminine. Embrace that side of you. The world needs it.
- do not punish good men for what bad men have done. Be discerning but you cannot begin a new relationship with suspicions, tests, or expectation of disappointment. (If you expect it, you’ll get it.) It’s not fair to the new guy or to you.
- learn how to communicate without testing manipulating or keeping score. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Men are not mind readers. They’re actually especially bad at it.
- a relationship is not a competition. Stop keeping score. You’re not trying to “win” you’re trying to build something together.
- take accountability for your patterns. If you keep having the same arguments or making the mistakes or going for the same kind of guy and getting your heartbroken, at a certain point you’ve got to acknowledge it might be a you problem. Work on that part of you that needs addressing.
- be the kind of woman a good man would want to build a life with. What does that mean? It’s about accountability, reciprocity, and character. Are you loyal? Are you dependable? Can you love well? Can you compromise? Do you make someone else’s life better by being in it? Do you bring peace.
Darth Dad retweeted
6 STAGES OF MARRIAGE:
1. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me
2. You’re not quite as great as I thought you were
3. You need to change & be more like me
4. You’re not going to change are you
5. Fine, I accept you the way you are
6. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
This was us, early in marriage!
Have you ever noticed that a lot of your weaknesses are your spouse's strengths and vise-versa?
Yeah, us too.
When you spend time focusing on the other's strengths, instead of their weaknesses, you become a very strong couple.
Darth Dad retweeted
As a young woman, a young wife, and someone raised in the church, I thought men needed sex and women didn’t.
It was this fun thing for marriage, but not something I needed.
At least not in the way my husband did. And maybe that’s true… biologically true.
But I was missing a huge part of it…
I grew up hearing things like:
“Men are visual.”
“A man’s primary love language is physical touch.”
“They need the physical release.”
Sex begins to feel like a chore, especially when there are little people making demands all day. It’s one more thing you need to do. He has this need. And you’re the one that has to take care of it.
But after some really good conversations with my husband I realized this tweet below is true 👇🏻
It’s not just about release. He LOVES you. He is attracted to you. And he wants to feel desired by you! That you love him back! That you want him, too. He *needs* that.
And really, that’s pretty romantic.
Doesn’t that make us all swoon? Is that what we wanted in the beginning? A man who would work hard to provide for us AND be attracted to us, think we were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and want to take us to bed?
It can be very simple: Showing your husband you love and desire him by being touchable, touching him, prioritizing sex, surprising him, etc.
The video that was circulating earlier this week was much more crass than I will be, but it’s pretty simple to keep your husband happy, *especially* when you reframe sex as a vital, loving *need* for you both to keep your marriage healthy.
I don’t think the five love languages solves all problems, but I do believe it is a helpful tool. It can reframe sex as something you also need, a way you can receive love.
Gifts and Acts of Service - his touch, his attention, his time - gifts and things he generously gives to/does for you
Quality Time - this is the one thing you do with just him, the only thing! It’s special. You’re the only thing on his mind. Cherish that time!
Words of Affirmation - ask him to tell you what he sees or receives that he loves, let him know how much you need to hear it
Physical touch - self explanatory
It can be weird to talk about sex on the internet, but I feel very passionate about marriage and saving marriages.
Sex is a need for both husbands and wives. An emotional need and a physical act tied together.
And reframing a husband’s need for sex can help wives love their husbands better, improving and maybe even saving the marriage.
Darth Dad retweeted
Taking care of yourself and staying attractive for your spouse, is part of being a good partner.
Darth Dad retweeted
Really impressed at @CoachKTTurner practice this morning. @UTAMavsMBB have excellent size and depth. They will cause major problems in the newly formed @UAConference.
Darth Dad retweeted
Imagine seeing your dad score a touch down and then him and his homie shout you out. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Darth Dad retweeted
If you've followed us for very long, you realize that we believe sexual intimacy is very healthy for a marriage. We believe you should enjoy it often, if you physically can.
BUT, to be clear, we are talking about healthy marriages and normal seasons of life. After childbirth, during illness or injury, or in marriages marked by betrayal or addiction, intimacy may not be possible or wise.
Regular marital sex doesn't just satisfy desire. It directs desire. What a person repeatedly associates with sexual pleasure can shape their appetite. And when that person is their spouse, sex can reinforce their desire for one another.
Sex doesn't merely release an urge. It attaches that urge to a person. And within marriage, that bond can be powerful. The hormones released in the body during sexual intimacy, including oxytocin, can contribute to feelings of connection and bonding.
Regular sex won't fix abuse, betrayal, or a broken marriage. But in a healthy marriage, it can be one of the powerful ways husbands and wives bond, reconnect, and reinforce their exclusive love. That bond is good for married couples.
Darth Dad retweeted
Probably 80% of conflict in marriage is because someone used the wrong tone when talking to their spouse.
What your tone.
Darth Dad retweeted
5 WAYS YOU ARE BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO YOUR SPOUSE ....
1 - Rolling your eyes.
2 - Speaking with an angry, irritated or unkind tone.
3 - Showing disgust on your face.
4 - Giving them the silent treatment.
5 - Using your words to hurt them.
Darth Dad retweeted
You can't treat your spouse like an enemy and expect them to respond like a friend.
Watch your ...
Tone
Words
Body language
Facial Expressions
Darth Dad retweeted
UT Arlington Men's and Women's Cross Country picked second in UAC Preseason Coaches Poll.
📰: tinyurl.com/crosscountryawar…
#BuckEm 🐎 | #817Made
Darth Dad retweeted
And this is why so many marriages fail.
In her own words, they were "best friends." They cared enough about each other to get married twice. They had children, a home, a family, and years of shared history.
And yet somehow the conclusion was: we're better off as friends.
Maybe. We obviously don't know everything that happened inside their marriage.
But I think we've set the bar for ending marriages frighteningly low.
Over 30 or 40 years together, romantic love will wax and wane. There will be dry spells. There may even be years when you feel disconnected, misunderstood, unappreciated, or profoundly unhappy.
That's not necessarily the failure of a marriage. That's sometimes the reality of a lifetime.
What happened to commitment? Sacrifice? Putting the happiness of your children—and sometimes your spouse—ahead of your own immediate fulfillment?
There are absolutely reasons marriages need to end: abuse, addiction, abandonment, profound betrayals, irreconcilable changes in values.
But two people who still care about each other, have built a family together, and call each other "best friends"?
In my book, that's not a marriage to bury. That's a marriage to fight for.
Maybe the love they thought was gone was simply buried beneath years of resentment, poor communication, lack of appreciation, exhaustion, or hurt. Those things can change.
And sometimes, sticking with it is part of the cure.
Life changes. Children grow up. Circumstances change. People mature. Hearts soften. Couples who couldn't find each other at 40 sometimes rediscover each other at 50.
Marriage is a commitment precisely because feelings aren't permanent.
If we can't honor that commitment to our "best friend" and the mother or father of our children, even when the feelings temporarily disappear, then what exactly is the commitment worth?
We don't need more marriage therapists who are neutral about whether marriages survive.
We need marriage advocates.
Mentors, counselors, parents, clergy, and friends who fight FOR your marriage—people who have been through the grind themselves and come out the other side.
If you want your marriage to succeed, surround yourself with people who believe that succeeding is the goal.
A woman divorced her best friend after years of counseling.
They had even gotten married twice.
Eventually, they realized they were better friends than spouses.
Years later, her kids still talk about the old house.
They miss their old life.
And every time they do, she wonders:
Did I make a mistake?
She called Dr. John Delony looking for help making sense of that guilt.
His answer was interesting:
Maybe the kids aren’t really missing the house.
They’re missing what the house represented.
Their family being together.
The routines.
The feeling of home.
And I think that’s an important distinction.
You can know a marriage needed to end and still grieve the life you lost.
You can miss the person.
Miss the house.
Miss family dinners.
Miss who you were back then.
None of that automatically means the divorce was a mistake.
Grief isn’t proof you made the wrong decision.
Sometimes it simply means the right decision still cost you something you loved.
Darth Dad retweeted
Don't keep secrets from your spouse.
Don't hide friendships with the opposite sex, text messages or anything.
Openness and honesty in marriage are not optional. Being 100% truthful will bless your marriage.
Darth Dad retweeted
NO EXCEPTIONS!
Your spouse should be the first to know. If they are not, reorder things so they are.
Your spouse should be the ONE you grieve with, celebrate with. If they are not, reorder things so they are.
Your spouse should be the one who is first. If they are not, reorder things so they are.
My spouse is the first to know my plans, my problems, my struggles, and my victories.
They need to know because if I fall, they fall with me. If I win, they win with me.
When life gets hard, they are the first to comfort me—not my friends or my family.
It's called marriage: two people becoming one.
It's what marriage should look like.
Darth Dad retweeted
MARRIAGE IS NOT ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL, SOMETIMES IT’S UGLY
Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn, when they’re so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can’t help but let out those weird gargling noises. You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you’re eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it’s not always pretty. Its snorting while laughing, it’s the tears when it feels like it’s all crashing down, it’s the farting, it’s the bedhead and bad breath, it’s the random dances, it’s the anger and the joy. Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and won't leave you even though you said something nasty. It’s having someone have your back no matter what. Its fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves. And it’s those nights you fall asleep in each other’s arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It’s cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they’re sick. It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it’s one amazing ride.
Darth Dad retweeted
Lady Mavs make the trip to Wyoming in a matchup of programs coming off of disappointing campaigns...@midmajorball @UTAFan @UnfilteredHN
