Morning folks. Breakfast of champions.

Anyone know how to get Gemma Collins’ fat face off my SkyQ Home page? It’s been on there for days and I’m sick of seeing it! IDGAF about her, her life, or her tv program. Fk off with it!! 🖕

I fkn hate everything about Christmas. The ads on the telly have started already and ppl are asking me “what are you doing for Xmas?” & I’m sick of it! It’s the 14th of September ffs!! However, the missus brought these home last night and I’m about to have a moment with one 🤪🤣

Sybil living her best life ❤️

Centreparcs Xmas advert on the TV!! FK OFF!!!!!

Just got my first Xmas email from a local restaurant asking me to book Xmas lunch!! FK OFF!!! 🖕

To the thieving arsehole who stole my son’s AirPods and case from the hotel in Spain and just arrived home with them. I know where you live. And now, so does everybody else. Karma’s a bitch. Mind out crossing the road!

Back from a great w/e’s fishing at Catch22 with @Adam_Penning ‘s Carp Academy where the guest of honour was the legendary Frank Warwick. @HeffW @fwbaits A true gent of the sport that I have admired for decades.What a legend.Great skills on the bank & with the pen.Thanks Frank! ❤️

At the magnificent Catch22 in Norfolk with @Adam_Penning ‘s Carp Academy for another fantastic Social. Rods out. Hoping for wet nets over the weekend.

Excited about a big weekend away fishing.Yes,it’s next weekend,but as I said-I’m excited to be fishing with some legends & spent the afternoon sharpening hooks,tying rigs & respooling reels.Can’t say any more or I’ll have to kill you or you could just ask @Adam_Penning 😉🎣🤪🎣🤣

Nice evening in the garden with bbq and beers ruined by fucking mosquitoes in Surrey!!! 🤬🤬🤬 Aaaaaaarrrrghhhhh!!! That is all!!!

Every time I look at the clock it’s 8:20 WTAF is that about?? And no, my clock is not broken 🤪 Only looked at it twice today. Once this morning and one just now. Happens most days. Like fkn Groundhog Day!

#jdsportsuk Pls lmk which school you recruit all of your employees from, so I don’t accidentally send my kids there and turn them into fkn idiots. The rudeness and utter incompetence of your staff is mind blowing every time I am forced to go into one of your stores!

Rudely woken up at 02:00hrs at Tar Farm 5 #linearfisheries with little cracker at 25.08. #lovefishing #carp #fishinglife

Conan O’Brien is not funny. The silence after he speaks say it all. Why is he even on my telly? #Oscars

The irony of rewarding people with #Oscars for Production when someone can’t even keep the mics up and lights on when someone is speaking. Someone needs to be given the Spanish Archer for that one.

Whomever is writing the “jokes” for the presenters at the #Oscars needs sacking immediately. Nothing. I mean NOTHING anyone has said so far is remotely funny. It’s cringe. Should’ve had @rickygervais do it.

What a great bit of telly #thedyerscaravanpark is. If you get Danny Dyer in, you’ve got to expect Danny Dyer to be Danny Dyer. If I owned that place, I’d sack the miserable staff & bring in people that had something about them. Cheer the fuck up fellas!

Saw the magnificent Stephen Graham on #TheGNShow & finally watched #adolescence. Cried for the 1st hour. Captivated by the next & sobbed as I realised that; in part, I have become my dad & my son is also partly becoming me. Just given him a big hug. Astonishing television. ❤️

Just bought a coffee. Girls asked me if I wanted a Freddo with it. I said oooh lovely. Yes please. “That’s £1.10p for the Freddo” FUCK. RIGHT. OFF. !!!