H. Tooms

Update: May need to change pants.

Just off of an airplane. Baby caddy (sp?) Corner from me WOULD NOT STOP CRYING. Found the parents near the restroom laughing about it after the flight. I have never crop dusted anyone with pure inhumane intentions as these two in my life.

I love watching a storm roll in. Oh yeah, and porn. #SummerOfTooms

I'm back, baby!

"Not sucking dick will make you a side bitch." -Abraham Lincoln

So, got promoted at work, which means I'm making the anouncement with a 'Hitler Reacts' video. #GainfullyEmployed

Just swiped right on a girl because her profile said, "Why not?"... yeah, the dr. thing didn't work out

For christmas, I'm just going to retweet my 2016 timeline for #25DaysOfShame

Happy hour last night and I can confidently say that I won't be hung over at work. Because I'm still drunk.

Or most likely no sex and Burger King later. Burger King Also means sex.

The Dr. agreed to watch star trek with me. I hope she understands that means Netflix N' Chill. Which means sex... definitely sex.

...But KU once won am Orange Bowl

Also, I hid the toothbrush of the girl that spent the night on Saturday. I doubt I can trick the Dr. into spending the night...

2nd date with the Dr. Tonight. It's during the KU game, so she better understand the sacrifice.

How about "coming home from the gym"? Yeah, I'll go with that.

The Dr. Asked me what I was up to tonight. Should I tell her he truth: I'm eating pickles out of the jar playing Sega Saturn?

Want to know why ISIS hates us? Because we have people that have to go to the gym just to walk.

So, there's this slightly overweight woman that goes to the gym at work to walk on the treadmill for 45 minutes/day.

I don't know how people date when alcohol isn't involved.

Clearing my phones autofill history and browser history... and hiding this account. #Brunchdate