Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone) header
Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone) profile picture

Timmy Anzalone

@TimmyAnzalone

I'm not lame.

 Under the Bridge
Joined December 2012
  • Tweets12.6K
  • Following670
  • Followers817
1.7KMedia
Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)Photo by Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)
The future of Twitter is imbued with great uncertainty. With this in mind, I think it is time to tweet what could be my magnum opus. This is the plot to my horse movie titled, “Peaches”. 🧵
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Gun violence is reprehensible, but we will probably see more action taken against it in response to this, as opposed to when this type of stuff happens to children in elementary schools.
Jake Hanrahan (@Jake_Hanrahan) profile pictureJake Hanrahan
@Jake_Hanrahan4 Dec 2024
UnitedHealthcare (health insurance company) CEO Brian Thompson gunned down in midtown Manhattan. He died.
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At 2-8, my fantasy football team is absolute dog-water, but I could easily be .500 this season. Here’s how: 🧵1/256
The 33rd Team (@The33rdTeamFB) profile pictureThe 33rd Team
@The33rdTeamFB11 Nov 2024
The Chiefs are undefeated, but very easily could be under .500 this season A thread on how their season could have been flipped upside down 🧵 1/9
Image from The 33rd Team (@The33rdTeamFB)
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A weather-machine-gone-bad is the plot of a Disney Channel Original Movie, and there is a sitting member of Congress who believes in it
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Baby Gronk no! They’re Costco guys! They’ll kill you!
DramaAlert (@DramaAlert) profile pictureDramaAlert
@DramaAlert31 Aug 2024
BABY GRONK DROPS DISS TRACK ON RIZZLER AND COST-CO GUYS ‼️
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Raygun won’t see your tweets dissing their sweet moves, but your friends getting into amateur competitive breakdancing will
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Is this anything?
Image from Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)
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The man is an oracle
Josh Reynolds (@JoshReynolds24) profile pictureJosh Reynolds
@JoshReynolds2421 Jul 2024
All jokes aside, this has to be studied… Nick Castellanos going deep every single time there is a tragedy or something newsworthy is legitimately unlike anything I’ve ever seen in sports history. There can’t be any type of logical explanation. No words.
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I did not realize we had adopted Whoville into the Union
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Me when I met @HaleyMueller12
pbr (@Rockybalbonga1) profile picturepbr@Rockybalbonga124 May 2024
Image from pbr (@Rockybalbonga1)
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It is a bad day to be a jaguar
T.J. Moe (@TJMoe28) profile pictureT.J. Moe
@TJMoe2815 May 2024
Not a word Harrison Butker says here should be remotely controversial. He’s 100% correct. Those trying to convince women that being assistant VP of lending & intentionally childless at age 40 is more fulfilling than making a family and home are evil.
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This is what they wrote the X-Men about
alea ☄️⏺️⛵️ (@noncanonicAleae) profile picturealea ☄️⏺️⛵️@noncanonicAleae12 May 2024
Sports is a reactionary force that only gets cool biotech banned in the name of human normativity.
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You guys have GOT to watch Season 25 of Survivor
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Just finished “Anyone But You”. I don’t remember much, but I’m so glad Natasha Bedingfield got her flowers
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These readers aren’t working
Image from Timmy Anzalone (@TimmyAnzalone)
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This is 100% just an incentive to get you to bet more money on offensive plays
Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) profile pictureAdam Schefter
@AdamSchefter25 Mar 2024
Now unanimously banned, against the objections of the NFLPA:
Image from Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter)
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(Me, breaking the law by giving illegal, unlicensed tours in Italy) So, orzo was *actually* the Italian answer to rice! 💁‍♂️
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Nothing has radicalized me more than the price of a 12-pack of Pepsi being $11
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Do you think God likes chewing on ice?
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*opening riff to “Fast Car” plays* You’ve got a fat hog
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My newest conspiracy is that the storybook relationship of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is actually just one long buildup to a Coca Cola commercial at the Super Bowl
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