Marzana

I'm a dirty liar pants.

"Put it in your little tube!"

This floor is like an Ikea couch for under $400: it looks great, but it's not functional.

When a man poops-- it's a dump. When a bird poops-- it's an excrement cannon.

Now that I'm an adult, I've faced that hard truth that small pets are basically more dynamic plants.

We're a crisis team for the mundane.

We're all just BIG fetuses.

About this season of TRUE BLOOD: would you agree that the season has been crazy banana pants?

Don't waste a thing, just like the Native Americans.

About boss's availability: his middle of the day is exposed invulnerably.

...delayed rate of punchiness today.

My mom said, "Eat an apple, it'll get you just as far as a cup of coffee." ...Look at me now.

Shannon Elizabeth's role in American Pie: the exposition of the chestal region.

The pizza employee: He wasn't friendly when I ordered or when I challenged the original slices and he begrudged me when tried to return it.

After receiving bad pizza: "Hi, I'm calling to voice my displeasure... the mozzarella was old and congealed..."

Phonetically spelling out the name ALIYAH: alpha, lamda, iota, yiddish, alpha, hotel...

About being a dinner guest: if the food's separated; I can do a lot with it. It's the casseroles, soups category that I can't deal with.

"A regular bonanza!"-- talking about change found under my old computer.

I'm getting a new computer today-- I'm pretty jazzed about it.