Alan Garner

Everyone Retweet my last tweet!!! MAKE IT HAPPEN

1 tequila, 2 tequilas, 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teuiqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklas, 9 trwqiukas 10 trewquwtss.

Only true friends go straight to your refrigerator when they go to your house.

DEAR WALKWAY, Please get wider... SINCERELY, 3rd friend walking behind feeling excluded.

Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C

Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTIELR 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE... Did you read: Spine, lither, ginger and subtext? Naughty Naughty.

You gotta hand it to the midgets... Because sometimes they can't reach it.

A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know...

Pardon me, Sir Gangster? Your trousers are descending.

"Dude, I wasn't that drunk" "You threw my hamster and saying "GO PIKACHU!"

Check out these 20 pics. They are very trippy and will trick your eyes. #2 and #5 are amazing!!! bit.ly/P3L5zW - sp

Saving a file as "asfaghasjasd" because you're too lazy to write a proper title.

That's about as suspicious as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

What does a Tennessee football fan do after they beat Alabama? Turn off the xbox and go to bed.

Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.

That mini heart attack you get when someone says "We need to talk"

I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years party... When you hear an arab counting down from ten your instincts tend to kick in.

Girls are magic. They can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard!

Girls, if a guy pauses a video game to text you back... marry him.

I love my pet wussy. Retweet if you read that wrong.