Mee-hi-hi-hyes, this account’s finally up! Took a while to get the boss’s approval, but times are changing FAST, and showbiz ain’t waiting for NO ONE!!!! ESPECIALLY not for ol’ Mikey!! REAL TIPS AND REAL QUESTIONS GO HERE. ANYTHING ELSE IS BANNED tvtimenewsbulletin.straw.pag…

(You get the feeling that whoever was listening appreciated the sentiment.)

(… You get the feeling that there’s a first time for everything.)

(You get the feeling that whoever’s listening on the other side of the screen is… artistically deficient.) (It does, unfortunately, limit the capacity of one’s ability to set the scene.)

With THIS sorta crowd, it’s hard to tell what ANY of ya mean, HAH!!

Well, I can’t say I know a “Mike Tenna”, but if I find the guy I’ll let ‘em HAVE IT for ya - that’s the Motormouth Motto!!

Well, I WOULD be singin’ your praises for the, ahah, FLATTERING depiction of yours truly - were it not for your subpar captioning skills. I’m a MICROPHONE, not MICROSCOPIC!!

WHOA NOW - how’d ya manage to get all that rugged charm packed into just one little box, huh?! Ya REALLY captured my SUAVE! My SWANKINESS!! My STAR POWER!!! We REALLY oughta bring back our closing fanmail segments - especially if we keep gettin’ submissions like THESE!!

They can ALREADY fly - I mean, have ya SEEN one of them whip around mid-minigame?! Those artificial animals are AIRBORNE!!!

… Maybe save the “inventions” for the REAL game designers ‘round here, alright? And spare me the SWILL when ya start to SPILL next time, buddy.

I live in-studio, pal - ain’t exactly much freedom for fowl play in our forecast!

Boy, too bad… was lookin’ forward to seein’ whatever one of ya had cooked up on here, but it looks like SOMEONE’S already gone and scribbled all over it - or, ahah, you’re just one of those woo-woo “contemporary” types. REAL shame!

Eugh… guess I’m glad this wasn’t a RECENT sighting, at least… Haven’t seen any bugs on set - but then again, I haven’t exactly SEEN much of anything around here as of recent. Boss definitely hasn’t either - if he had, that roach would be the LAST thing losin’ its head, HAH!!

Well, “Hi” there to you TOO, loyal viewer! Maybe we can cut the pleasantries and spend our time at the Tip Line comin’ up with some REAL shop to talk, alright pal?

Just like the big guy, I love ALL my subordinates equally - and don’t let ANYONE tell ya any different! EVERYONE’s on equal standing ‘round here!! The Pippins only go last because it’s in reverse alphabetical!!! THAT’S IT!!!!

Just my method of explainin’ my homemade throat lubricant, designed in studio! Fair warning - before ya get acclimated to the feelin’ of it coatin’ your throat with bloat, the sludge has a… TENDENCY to beat out the sonata comin’ back up. Alongside the contents of your stomach.

SURE can, HAHA!! Just head on over to the studio and I’ll deem to let ya gleamin’ hoop dreams teem over the ream of their SCREAMIN’ seams!!!

Right here in the STUDIO, obviously! In the MIKE Room!! Waiting

Think ya might need to check your eyesight, pal (and appetite… yeesh…) - The TV Time News Bulletin looks CLEAN as a WHISTLE to ‘ol Mikey!

That’s RIGHT!!! There’s PLENTY of cats and BASKETS of fun to be had in PLUEY, one of our star minigames - handcrafted and hosted LIVE right here in studio!! Careful not to let the raindrops hit ya on the way down!!

Gee - guess we really are runnin’ on snail mail, HAH!! Really oughta get the power situation ‘round here sorted soon…