This scheme works you always get more breadsticks. #goodscheme
* HE𖤐R NO 𝐄VIL‧ retweeted
how many never-ending pasta bowls you gotta eat to earn that drip?
( jude exhales sharply out his nose, resolving to grow the fuck up and stand up. moments later, the light flickers and then goes entirely dark, the elevator stopping fully with a grinding heave. )
It’s not fuckingggg okay, man.
( the darkness is replaced by a dark red strip +
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* HE𖤐R NO 𝐄VIL‧ retweeted
the true “energy drink” is 12 cans of monster blended with a 2lb block of cream cheese into a thick paste you have to take through a tube
( he forces himself to unclench from the bannister just as the elevator clunks, old gears working their best to lift them up. a curse, ducking down instinctively. )
Fuckingggg super. Keep — just keep talking. About the temperature.
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* HE𖤐R NO 𝐄VIL‧ retweeted
i was trying to figure out how to free up storage space on my laptop. then i realized that i had the entire human genome downloaded onto it from 2022
( fuck. his hands wrap around the bannister that winds along the walls of the elevator, grip knuckle white. )
Have you felt anything? Temperature fluctuations, for example?
( trying to be normal. it’s fine. it will be fine. )
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( the elevator dings, and jude blinks repeatedly in response. good mojo. )
What kind of noises?
( fuck, he hates elevators. he steps into it with a single foot, pushing down on the floor to test it out before fully entering. death traps. )
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( jude, with less enthusiasm, worms his hand out of the guy’s grip. )
Oh, shit. You got the short end, dude. That’s like, the fuckinggg hotspot or whatever.
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