Forwards! The times may seem dark- But there is a brighter day away! Don't give up! Go forth!

It's unbelievable it's been over five days I didn't talk to Luci. Five years. We talked practically every day in the last few years. So many people asked me to add a candle. One person wanted red one. One's made of bee wax. A large yellow one. And the big one smells like apple pie. From people we played with so often there are the stars which I planned to put on dog tags for my friends. There are so many stories. I didn't have access to a good printer, so behind the picture is a book about Dutch-German naval collaboration. And I brought plushies so she doesn't feel lonely. She loved those ikea sharks and was one of the reason I bought them. I wanted to add bricks- but I couldn't find them so I used some of those ceramic upside down turned baking trays. The wooden pen I always carry with me to keep stress at bay and the cup was a gift from my brother that Luci envied. Under the pen is my diary. I put her favorite red wine into the cup and a small shot of coke in front of the portrait. And the sword is now named after her, which I know Luci would find really cool. Every step is a story. I can still perfectly remember her voice. We spent so much time together I can always tell what her exact reaction would be. Nothing will ever replace her, but it is heartwarming to see so many people come together. I had old friends reconnect with me, asking me to add more candles. From a small thing on my window it now fills a table. She woke up things in people that they couldn't find themselves. She mended bridges that I thought would never be mended. We miss her so much. So very much. I don't know if I've done enough. I will never know. And I know she would scold me for thinking that and call me 'silly'. Or a dork. Thoughts flow on and on but it can't change this. The companionship and friendship, the silliness and jokes. The laughs, the good and the bad... It all means so much. I cry, I maintain the little vigil spot and I share time with friends and I wonder what she would have done or thought about all of this. A voice in the back of my head is perhaps her. I thought I bought thirty of those larger stars. I counted them and I could have sworn it was exactly thirty. When I got home one was missing. In a way I don't mind that I paid for one more- it feels like Luci stole one for herself before I even set them out. We carry on with Luci in our hearts. And perhaps a small little shark that will always sneak away with something small you won't miss. Please rest my friend. I will never forget you. Take care of your friends. They are the dearest, most precious thing in your life. Cherish them and remind you how much you care about them. Life in 2026... and even before that... is cruel and often inflicts un-mendable wounds on us. And also think about yourself. You are a precious friend to someone too. They will move stars for you. And you cannot be replace. I don't write sappy stuff often but... This pain is just too much. Take care of yourself and make sure you are okay. Hydrate and ask yourself if it's worth it being mad at something small... Perhaps it's better just laughing it off. In the end it is up to you. I say that I am just one voice on the internet. Or as Luci would have put it "silly dork". A piece of my heart is missing. I know Luci stole that one. But I know that in this way she will always be with me. If you read all of this stuff... Thank you for humoring me. I am sorry for taking your time. I was overwhelmed by emotion while planning the memorial service and seeing old memories at every step. It will never be the same, but it doesn't have to be. I am glad I have known her. Even with how much it hurts. To all of those who lit a candle- Thank you. It means the world to me. And finally, Please travel safe Luci. You will always be with me and you can keep that piece of my heart that you stole. 🕯️

I have a sad message to share with you. Today 1500 hours local time me and my friends were contacted by German authorities about the passing of our dear friend, companion and sunshine, Lucina Kaichou. Luci was a dear friend loved by all that was able to bring smile and joy to everyone, even when everything seemed dark and lost. We do not know everything yet, as of now, but we and the other friends are processing this. Luci was a part of my community practically since the very beginning and streaming will just never be the same. For myself I ask you that you light a candle and share a thought or a prayer depending on your beliefs. On behalf of Luci's friends I ask you to give us time to grieve. We don't know the details and this just doesn't feel real. On behalf of Luci I ask you to find the joy in life, even if it feels hard. I am sorry that we cannot tell you more at the moment. It's very fresh for us and we need some time to process this. Please find it in you carry Luci in your heart and those in this world in your mind. I will miss you my dear friend.