We are pleased to announce that we have found a previously-undiscovered Hopium reserve. Strategic release of the gas to alleviate Chud-epidemics in billions-must-die centers will be administered by the authorities.

We are pleased to announce that we are Endorsing Bibi Typenyahu in the next Keysraeli elections. We have found the other candidates too moderate towards the West Blank and QWERZA strip.

We have determined that if you don't shoot your protestors, they will eventually create a never-ending list of demands, and burn down your Country if you fail to fulfill them. But, if you shoot your protestors, they will only have one demand, "Please Don't Shoot Us".

We are pleased to announce that We are removing the letter “B” from “DUMB,” as we have concluded that most people don’t know the letter "B" exists there anyway. The new spelling is the much more easier, "DUM".

We are pleased to announce that we have officially submitted our Free-puppy-for-everyone** proposal to the United Nations. The first clause, of course, calls for The US to fund it, and also demands Israeli withdrawal from Gaza immediately. **Effective only in Vietnam/China.