I am an Author of comedy 🤪😂 and a Sports Coach to boot
Kentish Town
Joined June 2022
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I phoned my local gym and said can you teach me to do the splits, the reply was how flexible are you, I replied I can not make Tuesdays.
I bought a car and took it back, they said what is wrong with it ,I replied it won’t go past 60 uphill,they said that is normal, I replied but I live at 83.
My book on sale, Jamie Oliver behind, Michelle Obama to the right and behind and Quentin Tarantino above and behind
I was in Morrisons at the meat counter, I said to the Lady serving can I have two chicken legs please, so She went to wrap them, I said are they the front or the back legs, She replied I will ask my Manager She came back and said very funny.
The police knocked on my door and said your dog was seen chasing a man on a bike, I replied my dog hasn’t got a bike,they then said where were you between 7 & 11 I replied primary school.
My Neighbour knocked on my door and said have you got a step ladder, I replied yes my real ladder left me when I was a kid
Man with a stutter applied for a job as a salesman he was told if you sell that wheel barrow full of Bibles you will get the job he sells the lot, how did you do it ? he replied iiii rrrang ooon ttthe dddoorbell aand sssaidd bbbuy aaa bbbible ooor iii wwwill rrread iiit tto yyyou
I rang my local gym and said can you teach me to do the splits, the reply was how flexible are you, I said I can not make Tuesdays.
I was getting into my car when someone said can you give me a lift, I replied you look great very fit and well dressed.
I went into a supermarket and said I want to complain this vinegar has lumps in it , they replied they are pickled onions sir.
I was at a wedding when I turned to the person next to me and said isn’t the Bride ugly, they replied that is my Daughter you are talking about,I said I am so sorry I did not realise you were the father of the Bride, they replied I am not I am the mother,
Oops
Steven wise retweeted
Man and Wife 80 years old in an antique market they come across an old lamp the man rubs it and a genie appears the genie says you have released me after 2,000 years you can have any wish you want, the man says make my Wife 50 years younger than me, so the genie makes him 130.
Steven wise retweeted
Man is really upset his wife asks him what is wrong, he answers, I was looking in the mirror and my hair is grey I have got wrinkles a double chin and a beer belly, she says look on the the bright side there is nothing wrong with your eyes.
Steven wise retweeted
A friend of mine,his brother is suffering from depression and has not laughed for over 3 months, he gave him a copy of my book ‘Life Is A Joke ‘hoping it would cheer him up and he said he laughed out loud it shows laughter is a great medicine.
A man goes to the Doctors an says I don’t feel well, Doctor tells him go over to the window and poke your tongue out, the man says can you tell what is wrong by doing this, the Doctor replied no I don’t like the neighbours.