mediocre female person with crumbs in her bed 🎤
your mother's butt
Joined June 2011
- Tweets7.7K
- Following722
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Pinned Tweet
Maybe she's born with it...or maybe it's Maybelline....OR MAYBE SHE EATS A BOWL OF Fettuccine Alfredo EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES TO BED AND CURSES EVERY MAN THAT EVER WRONGED HER BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.
I'm so midwestern that when I send someone a gift and they send me a thank you, I send them a thank you for their thank you.
Guy with no rearview mirrors: "I don't like looking at my past, man. Even if it is a car crash I caused."
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Sarah Perry retweeted
Seen at SXSW Festival, @SperryComedy is coming to Helium for one night only!
🎟️ August 14 🎟️
Get tickets now: st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/sh…
Sarah Perry retweeted
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…but a single full time job should be enough to live on, so unionize, maybe
We talked to a Volkswagen worker in Tennessee who does DoorDash after work.
The giant automaker generated $19.6 billion in profits last year, but some of its U.S. employees are working two jobs.
Today they could win their election to unionize with the @UAW.
Sarah Perry retweeted
Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now
I gotta stop getting high. Last night I spent 2 hours wondering how they get cars to the island of Hawaii.
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