Always run your best, no matter how bad the RNG gets.

Do not forget to apply sunscreen, or you’ll be afflicted with the “up past midnight with an aching sunburn” debuff and you’ll lose all kinds of time

Happy Valentine’s Day, it can save time to skip it, but you get extra HP when someone gives you their heart. Expensive upgrade though.

In an upcoming patch window shades will no longer block people from looking through them. This is because, uh, people could enter cheat codes behind window shades or something.

Due to a recent change in rules, Brazil Skip is now mandatory in all categories.

Time is an illusion, but your PB isn’t.

I would like to announce that we are now taking submissions for speedruns that can be performed by ducks. This will be for our new event, Aquatic Games Done Quack.

As of today, “Toothpaste Jumping” is no longer optimal in any main category.

Unlike a certain game, real life does not have wavedashing. However, there is a trick called “davewashing.” It has nothing to do with movement, but my friend Dave discovered it while fixing a washing machine hence the name.

We at SpeedRunsLife will be introducing Non-Fungible Timesaves. Simply take a trick that saves time, give us $50,000, and I will put a sticky note on my desk saying that you own a link to a video of that trick.

It may be Xpected that making a name shorter will always save frames. However, one must always Xamine the bigger picture before Xecuting such a move, as the short term time save may not Xactly cancel out resulting time loss later in the run.

X?

Our glitch hunting team has found that pushing personal debt past $1,099,511,627,776 no longer causes it to reset to $0. In other news, if anyone has 1.1 trillion dollars to spare, our glitch hunting team would really appreciate it.

As it has been changed to a paid DLC exclusive, the category “Twitter checkmark RTA” has been retired from the leaderboards.

Life is not a game.

If you’re low on hunger, eat a nutritious shoe for 40% hunger reduction

Throw away every clock in your house for maximum time loss.

As per the latest vote, Nebraska has been moved to a separate category on the 100% leaderboards