Bookmaker in the north of England, oldest looking but best banter in the #Cairnbet team, happiest when racing.

Joined December 2010
Simon Oxendale retweeted
My daughter is fund raising for an expedition to India. It's self funded, she is doing lots of local fund raising but for you lovely folk who can't pop along & buy her cakes we have a Go Fund Me if you can spare a few quid and/or a retweet! Thanks so much gofund.me/95cbc9648
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Nice first day over in Ireland, into Dublin today, couple of pit stops to watch the racing. ❤️
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Who knew, get @JackGrealish on would be replace with get #DanBurn on.
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Few cheeky hours Kip banked. Now a beer watching the jocks play Haaland before the pub for England. This is what world cups are about, ridiculous time Kick offs, loads of doom and gloom, knackered at work tomorrow. Come on Thomas, less blather and deliver now lad.
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If memes answered all the important questions for this weekend… See ya tommora and Saturday 👋
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A final push for those who can donate, I’m a fat man who is just trying to do a bit to help those who might need it. longestdaygolf.macmillan.org…
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I have respect for this one, finally the old fella finds a gag. Every bet on Endorsement is greeted with a “id recommend it to anybody” Lost on far too many.
Revels. Race 1. “That’s a mixed bag”. You’re still welcome 😁
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Simon Oxendale retweeted
Day 2 @Ascot betting blog now up. We open a new R&D department specially for our new found punter's guru and favourites go in with monotonous regularity - but did our system save us? Enjoy andystallard1967.wixsite.com…
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Simon Oxendale retweeted
ICYMI betting blog from @Ascot from yesterday. I share a room with 5 blokes and they all snore. It's a race against time and gall bladder to make it and we sort of get done on a name. Something to digest with your cornflakes andystallard1967.wixsite.com…
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Call out the numbers not the names! Best line in the game. Coming up and asking which one I think will win is of little use…… if I knew I’d have it even shorter odds!
1) CALL OUT THE NUMBER OF THE HORSE YOU WISH TO BACK ( NOT THE NAME OF THE HORSE) 2) WHEN YOUR TICKET IS ISSUED CHECK IT ! HAVE A GREAT ROYAL ASCOT 💙
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Simon Oxendale retweeted
It’s @macmillancancer charity race day @yorkracecourse today. As per usual I’ll be betting on the race and giving all the profit to Macmillan. My prices won’t be big but I’ve raised thousands for the charity.
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Somehow I’ve agreed to do this again. I couldn’t walk cause of gout last week, but as a part of the team and what the charity means to our site I’d crawl round if I had too. Any support is appreciated even raising awareness, all banter is fully accepted and expected.
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Simon Oxendale retweeted
Thomas Tuchel after sabotaging that England squad
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Anybody got a price on Slot to be next premier league manager sacked? Can’t be a huge price but nailed on?
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Massive for Leeds in their cup final. A depleted United were brilliant, add half of the missing brigade it’s a no contest. The problem with this United is it’s the hope that kills you.
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Simon Oxendale retweeted
Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay £1. The sixth would pay £3. The seventh would pay £7. The eighth would pay £12. The ninth would pay £18. And the tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.  So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by £20.” Drinks for the ten men would now cost just £80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share? They realized that £20 divided by six is £3.33, but if they subtracted that from everybody’s share then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.  So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay. And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving). The sixth man now paid £2 instead of £3 (a 33% saving). The seventh man now paid £5 instead of £7 (a 28% saving). The eighth man now paid £9 instead of £12 (a 25% saving). The ninth man now paid £14 instead of £18 (a 22% saving). And the tenth man now paid £49 instead of £59 (a 16% saving).  Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.  But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got £1 out of the £20 saving,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, “but he got £10!“  “Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a £1 too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”  “That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get £10 back, when I only got £2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”  “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!” The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.  The next week the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important – they didn’t have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill!  And that’s how it works. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.  For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
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What a shower of shite politics is. Over privileged toffs. If they all got on with running the country rather than stood slagging each other off they would have a chance. Like the scene from Ali G. 2 words. “Keep it real” don’t be a spanner it ain’t a word. Init.
If you missed it. This is Kemi Badenoch's response to Rachel Reeves' disaster budget *in full*. I've never seen anything like it. Kemi tears her to shreds. This is absolutely brutal. Well worth a watch 🔥
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Does the United fan waiting to cut his hair get paid out on the 2-0? I still don’t trust us enough yet to think that’s 3 in a row!!
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Becoming a bookie I knew it would change me, but turning into my adopted dad (@CairnBet )……… With every bet on insanity, “it will send you mad if it doesn’t win” most got the gag, a few even came back the next race to let me know they had indeed gone insane! ❤️❤️ #Dadjokes
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