My cool new album is now streaming. ffm.to/funroom

I just wanna know why Billy Bob Thornton isn’t doing the Sling Blade voice in these T-Mobile ads. Huge missed opportunity.

Every year from Sept 16-23. I become the Beatles and get Bi with a little help from my friends.

Man. Ozzy Osbourne missed a huge opportunity by not naming that one song “Loco Locomotive”

BREAKING: A fourth plane just hit 4100 Bar 😔

This guy behind the counter at Rite Aid wanted to buy my Matthew Shepherd guitar pick necklace. The one I caught at his very first concert. I just laughed. This and my BF‘s dog tag from Iraq are 2 things that I will never part ways with, for any price, especially not no damn $8

Gift shopping for millennials is cringe. All they want is Bush did 911 merch.

Open the straight of her what!?

Unbelievable. NASA makes history with the Artemis II launch, and when CNN interviews the astronauts, the first question is about the latest Kardashian drama. Truly a giant leap for celebrity gossip. We’ve officially achieved escape velocity from journalistic integrity.

Call me Benjamin, cause I be nettin’ Yahoooooo!

Y’all so woke huh? Then howcome we ain’t got a Slimer in the White House?

I don’t take the Lord‘s name in vain. I take it in vein. It’s like heroin to me. 🙏🏼 💉

I rarely get serious on here. But quick question. Who would be on your Mount Rushmore of First Ladies? Mine is Hillary and Michelle, full body 69, taking up the space of four heads.

I just threw together the most beautiful arugula salad topped with toasted pine nuts, shaved parm, and lemon dressing. Someone in the club yelled “FUCK IT UP!” And I dove right in LOL 😂 I fucking love my EDM found family!!

Biscuit

A Crispy Christmas toon by me and Joe Cappa.

I could really go for some DUMB Starbucks right about now. 😂 😂 if you get this reference, we would probably be great friends.