@ShitAboutFuck

Screenwriter. Novelist. Gentleman Adventurer. Co-Host/Co-Creator of the award winning If This Podcast Exists, You're In The Wrong Universe. He/Him

Joined May 2013
  • Tweets6.5K
  • Following955
  • Followers363
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just in case any of you forgot @TTuberville can go fuck himself.
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That LCARS interface though...
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What the fuck is going on up in here on this day?
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Should anyone be interested, this is my threads account info for the near future until I figure out how to fuck it up. Follow me, I'll follow you come out to the coast
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You Dont Know retweeted
ralphgarman@RalphGarman3 Apr 2023
Please donate and share. We're gonna get our man @steveashton through this. gofundme.com/f/any7ed-help-s… – at Los Angeles, CA
steveashton@steveashton3 Apr 2023
Yo
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Today is the kind of day I just want to hang out with @RalphGarman, drink whiskey, watch Batman 66, talk about Adam West, and have my face melted by his Batman 66 collection, but y'all aren't ready for me to have that kind of fun.
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Look at you @Wawa bringing your sexy ass to Alabama with its gray greasy fish fuckery.
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I didn't have the @realmikefox episode of Night Court making me cry on my 2023 bingo card but here we are...
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Dear men, Please know that you have the ability to refuse a prostate exam. I'm not saying you shouldn't get one. Please do get an exam, too often it's ignored until it's too late. What I'm saying is you don't have to submit to the surprise inspections.
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If you go in for a regular checkup and the doc says it's time, you politely tell him you would like to schedule this for another date so you can have time to do a little upkeep. Trim the hedges, clear the gutters.
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Happy Birthday to one of the nicest people I've never met @keithcoogan. I need @pinkylovejoy to confirm that when you blow out the candles you say "Wishes are done man"
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Dear @paramountplus, I never thought something would make me appreciate how well @hbomax or @peacock UI work, but your diaper bin, shitty firestorm of a UI has done so. After fucking me into a year long subscription when I tried to cancel the same day I signed up for your free..
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... trial, the least you could do is put forth a product that could at the fucking bare minimum be used. I've tried for a week to watch any fucking thing on your platform and I'm consistently met with "go fuck yourself and try again later!" Please do not reach out to me with...
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...some bullshit attempt at customer service as I've reached out to that department of your company and was asked if there was any way I could shove my head up my own ass.
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Wife: What happened to the cheerios? Me: Baby ate them. W: The entire family size box we just bought? M: Yeah she really seems to like them. W: The 1 year old? M: She seemed really concerned about lowering her cholesterol and getting enough fiber.
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You can't fuck with America's Sweetheart
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Random Ass Lady: Excuse me sir, but I think your daughter just said *whispers* the f word. Me: Oh no, it was probably truck, she just learned that. RAL: Well, she told me to go truck myself. M: Oh no... in that case she definitely said fuck RAL:... Me: What? Truck off!
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When I was 10 I left a friend's birthday party by turning, throwing a wave, and yelling T.T.F.N. as I got into my mom's car. I think about that a lot.
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10yrMe: Ma, can we get this neon colored sugar cereal with the cool toy? Ma: No 10yrMe: Why? Ma: When you're an adult you can buy whatever cereal has the best toy in it. 10yrMe: Fucking right I will! Me: *stands in cereal aisle in rage seeing no toys in cereal* Bitch!
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Herschel Walker blamed Raphael Warnock for 1970s TV show Archie Bunker not being “on the air today.” Walker: “I used to love Archie Bunker. Did you not like Archie Bunker? But because of Senator Warnock, it wouldn’t be on the air because he’s still living in the past.”
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