Warning, a very lengthy read incoming. A decade ago, I was in a poor mental state. I was processing the end of a pretty immature relationship (of which I contributed my fair share to the immaturity), I was forced to move out of my family home and was still adjusting to living on my own. My friends at the time were limited and almost every aspect of my life wreaked of imbalance. Suffice to say I don't look back at those years fondly. One random afternoon after staring at the wall for what felt like hours, I made an active decision to attempt to push past my insecurities to do one thing, stream. I had always wanted to but shamefully avoided it out of fear of looking like a loser. I didn't have anything going on at the time, and worried that others who knew me personally would see me streaming online and feel embarrassed for this low-life dork broadcasting his life into the abyss. It sounds hyperbolic in hindsight, but at the time it was a legitimate fear/concern of mine. With everything else going so poorly, I figured "what do I have to lose?" and decided to try anyway. I convinced myself it'd be a good distraction from the monotony of my depression. So, I took a breath, taught myself how to broadcast and worked up the courage to hit the "Start Streaming" button. You can go through my oldest stream clips and watch the old chud version of me streaming games like Hearthstone, Terraria, Stardew Valley, and an unseeable version of Skyrim that my poor capture card could barely process at the time. I was working off an office PC that was not built to do this, and I was pushing its limits. After a couple of streams trying my best to entertain my mom, Nightbot and commanderroot, my first couple of viewers trickled in. @kaylo890, @flowwnder, @isawchaos, @thebaaane, @SassyTripleS, and my homies hannah and magictoast. The original group who sat with me in my formative years, patiently watching me learn how to improvise my humor, encouraging me to continue to find myself, and graciously keeping me company as I worked out tech difficulties, on camera awkwardness, all while providing me with ideas of what to stream and an ear to lend whenever I needed it. At a time where I was fully convinced that I was incapable of making or maintaining new friendships, their kindness gave me hope that I might not be as detestable as I imagined myself to be. Then came the release of Mortal Kombat 11. I had been a fan of fighting games for a while, and knew of the fighting game community, but had never really bothered to engage with them. I grew an interest years prior with Injustice: Gods Among Us. I played online abusing Batman/Batgirl. I watched tournament footage of @UncleAqua, @DarthArma, @MK_ForeverKing (who I modeled a lot of my Batman gameplay after) and @Infinitii_FGC. I even remember @bambamguitar giving me a casual set way back when on and old account I had after he killed me with Zod. I was so hype that he gave me a couple of games I wouldn't stop talking to my friends about it for weeks. Wanting to re-engage with an NRS title I prepped my chat for the inevitable. "I'm probably going to be playing a lot of Mortal Kombat, forgive me in advance." After a month or so I thought it'd be fun to try hosting events, learning from the competitors who would enter, and making a couple of friends. As most of you know now, this is really where things took a turn for me. *It's also imperative that I give credit to @ceaseMH for believing in me and helping me get those events off the ground in the beginning. As well as @RoninPanda1, @SilverSandbag and @taturium who are still helping me with them to this day. My events were received well. Through them I met @MaigoxKagami, @LSM_JuanWique and @Freshcobar___, all who were in attendance at my wedding. Maigo convinced me to come out to Danger Zone, a local that was held by @FightCoachFight at the time. I still remember being nervous to meet him (I still had a natural inclination to assume I was being a pest), and how relieved I was when he was kind and welcoming to me. The universe in its own way, seemed to reward my courage to put myself out there by introducing me to my wife @paigeseltzer during this time, who you can imagine has been an extremely motivating force in learning to love and be kind to myself. She carries herself with grace and confidence in such a way where just being in her vicinity forces you to adapt your behavior in the same manner. I married her and gave her a child I love her whatever shut up. I tried my hand at commentary and was ecstatic when @DarthArma gave me the opportunity to practice that craft at Mortal Kombat New Jersey. I remember being very proud of what I considered to be a full-circle moment when I was able to cast an NEC Top 8 with him. (Also, thanks again Arma for being forgiving with me after I had that very interesting attempt at commentary when you let me stream MKNJ from my channel years ago.) I formulated a mini-FGC clan with The Golden Coalition. It's still responsible for a large portion of the meaningful IRL relationships that I have maintained to this day. For a time, we were a notable force within the NRS community. We had merch, we dominated some events. I like to think we managed to have minimal drama as best as we could. I'm very proud of that group and the years of fun we had trying to make a name for ourselves. I'd tag everyone but that would take 2 years to do. As time progressed, and the FGC welcomed me with open arms, my confidence grew. I was critical of myself for the sake of growth, but more forgiving with my self-talk. It was a journey for sure, but years of ironing out some of the not-so-fond aspects of my character all helped me become the more gracious and stable man that I am today. Years later I'm now a father, and a husband. With a family I'm so incredibly thankful for. I'm surrounded by a multitude of friends and personalities that have re-ignited my faith in humanity. People from different walks of life, chasing their own independent ambitions, with an overlapping interest that binds us all together. This past week I found myself dealing with a slew of tech difficulties as my old PC rig was starting to fail and needed to be repaired. The family is away on vacation, so here I was, alone in a room, tired from my work shift, attempting to fix a PC so I can stream again. I have big plans for content, most that I am nervous to start because it's something new for me. The parallels were unignorable. I saw myself years ago, sitting alone, tweaking a PC, nervous to stream. Tired stressed and annoyed with no one around. But this time it was different. My life is different. I'm not depressed. I don't hate myself. I have friends. I have unconditional love. I'm older, wiser, calmer. Through every hurdle of this build, I stood by one quote that I expressed to every peer that attempted to help me remedy my PC issues. "You know how I am. I persevere." And that I do. In part because of all of the changes I've made on my own. In part because of all of you that I've had the fortune to meet. In part because my life is no longer just about me now. Next week I will be away on vacation. Yes, another Disney trip, how did you know? When I return, I will be taking my best shot at improving my content. I'm nervous, but I am prepared. I was nervous about learning to drive, about marrying my wife, about having a child. I persevered. Being nervous at this point just means that I care. I want to do well; I want to be entertaining. I want to have fun. Regardless of how well it goes, I want to look back and remember these next upcoming years as fondly as I remember my last couple of them. I think I will. Thank you all for supporting me so far in whichever ways you have. Be that monetarily or just with your time. They're the same to me. I'm excited to grow with you all. To put my best foot forward, and to share however many laughs we have left for as long as I can. I'll see you all in about a week. Let's put on a show.

Tonight at 8:00pm EST we'll be hosting a Round-Robin event in @InvincibleVS featuring 4 of the blind community's most prominent competitors! Join us & witness the capabilities of their community as we game and discuss accessibility features. + twitch.tv/kevinmcolon