Had a spot of bother earlier.

You’ve got 7 days grace after the World Cup has ended to display an England flag in your front window and then you’re a racist; like keeping birthday cards on display a week after the day like some kind of weirdo who celebrates Christmas every day of the year.

If you turn the sound off whilst watching a World Cup game between two teams you’re completely indifferent about you’ll start reading books again.

Dick Advocaat, what a brilliant name for cum. #curacao

Don’t punch a police horse in the mouth.

I’m mildly amused by the fact that I often find myself saying ‘shut up’ when I shut down my laptop.

Cobbler, heel thyself.

The opposite of indigo is outdicome.

I’m old enough to remember when… no it’s gone; sorry

I gave my mum a selection of Star Wars masks for her 79th birthday, you should’ve seen the Luke on her face.

Upsetting instagram.com/reel/DLN_AXRAg…

I’m useless at relationships and algebra; if you want to know Y, just ask my X.

I adore the works of Tolkien but I still think ‘Legolas’ sounds like something a Yorkshireman might say to his wife when struggling to get the remote control out of her hand.

Imagine the panic you’d cause on a Jamaican cruise ship if your name was Mandy Lifeboats.

There are no hard and fast rules when having sex, some people just prefer it that way.

I’m not a conversationalist, some of my best friends are talkative.

The River on.soundcloud.com/7QFrGpKp1s…

Never gets old on.soundcloud.com/dZUPi39JjJ…

REALLY???

Being in love is like wearing a bulletproof vest. Look out for the headshot, though.

I fucking love making sex. #3in1