Hey! If anyone is still on this, could you please vote for MILES AND JONES in the @Whitcoulls Kids Top50? Thanks, that'd be super swell!

Uh... no, that's not what I meant.

No more nachos :(

*Something happens that doesn't include a person called Ruth* ME: Man, that was ruthless.

It's Nov 25th - only 13 months till Xmas!!

A bird in the hand is worth washing your hand.

What the hell does #IYKYK mean?

Movie Sequel idea: 101,101 Dalmatians. Same as 101 Dalmatians but just like heaps more dogs and they're everywhere. You can hardly tell what's going on because there are so many goddamn dogs.

Why did Joe Marler dress as a vampire for the final? #CelebrityTraitors

Zac's All, Foulkes! #Blackcaps

Welcome back, Wyclef Jean.

A kiwi punk band called the Sucks Pustles

What is the first name of the Jurassic Park character played by New Zealand actor Sam Neill? #QuestionsThatContainTheAnswer

When Orson Welles died his ashes were chucked down a well.

Thindlerth Lithp

I wrote this book about teeth. Guess that makes me an author-dontist.

People often ask if my name is short for anything, and YES it's short for Samuel Smithereens.

The Miles and Jones graphic novel series is coming to the UK 🇬🇧 Preorder now and get 25% OFF with code SUMMER25 — only until July 31st! ✍️ @SamSmithComedy 🎨 @cesarlador_illustration 🛒 Waterstones.com #MilesAndJones #WPreorder #GraphicNovel #UKBooks #Waterstones

Imagine going to a #Coldplay concert and ruining your relationship AND your Saturday.