Sam Bowden

I always knew I was a fruit

Yeah im a "super spreader". A super spreader of lemon butter i love that shit yes pls yum yum this is a good tweet shutup

This is so dope. Also these are Bryde's Whales I havent confirmed this but I'm putting my whale aspergers to the test.

There's a doctor at Walter Reed Medical Center really weighing up whether he can get away with adding a few air bubbles to the IV drip rn and I for one hope he goes for gold

The premise of christianity is that everyone is born cancelled

CORONAVIRUS IS ANTIFA

Hey everyone its Shrek 2 Awareness Day pls remember that Shrek 2 is one of the greatest animated films to ever be made and greatly surpasses the original in both story, concept and thematic stength. Thank you.

"Well basically its a car seat for babies built entirely out of recycled, blunted knives." - Me, submitting a pitch for the festival of dangerous ideas

Never gonna eat a poopie

Happy bi visibility day everyone!! remember to do bi stuff like form a genre defining rock band, sit on chairs wrong and get way too into gingham trousers xxx

Across the board Glens are the best dudes. Nice, friendly and always happy to give you lawn tips

I may not speak to my dad but him calling it "Indiana Jones and the raiders of the lost fart" back in 2003 really makes me wanna mend that relationship

This is so dope

"I'm finally letting go of all the pettiness in my life" *immediately gets in an argument on an orca forum about feeding habits of sub species C in the ross sea with some dude called Jose*

I will not throw away my Harry Potter books. But I will, henceforth, refuse to believe they're written by anyone other than Michael Crichton using a hilarious pseudonym.

"As the global temperature climbs and the world is bathed in an endless heatwave, celebrate the eternal summer with @CocaCola. Armeggedon thirsty for a coke."

All im saying is im never gonna eat a poopie

Apparantly some people can listen to more than 4 Phoebe Bridgers songs without balling like a little baby wtf???

Its sad that u cant melt cheese over everything but being an adult is about facing hard real facts

Today marks the anniversary of the first time I saw my dad have a beer for breakfast and say "this is gonna change everything"