Mom is confused at times about why people react in a certain way about someone with a disability. But, she has come to the conclusion that some people are just afraid of disability. They have not encountered it, don't know how to respond, or think it means someone is "less than." Imagine what it’s like to be disabled and on the receiving end of those biases. Try to sit with that discomfort instead of turning away from it. The discomfort signals that something is wrong that we can choose to change rather than ignore. Mom wants to summarise a few things she's heard about disability throughout her life being disabled. 1. If you’re disabled, you’re less productive, and that’s bad (unless #2). 2. ‘Heroically overcoming’ disability and inspiring everyone is the only valid way to exist if you’re disabled. 3. If you’re disabled, your life is not as fulfilling unless (#)2. In that case, your ability to inspire non-disabled people makes your life worthwhile, and you must be happy. 4. Disabled people are a burden and aren’t worth the effort to fit into our lives and workplaces. 5. The state and taxpayers must be protected from paying out money so that disabled people (and people faking* disability) can laze around doing nothing. 6. If you’re disabled, you’re broken and /or wrong, and medical experts need to fix you to make you productive and worthwhile. 7. If you are disabled, you cannot possibly be a productive member of society. 8. We will make a place for someone disabled because we are mandated by law. Mom's processing style, along with her painstakingly developed social and people management skills, means that when she meets someone, she meets that person right where they are and initially, at least, takes on trust what they tell her about themselves. She works with what they choose to disclose respectfully and thoughtfully. Be open-minded: Whatever a person’s needs and abilities, set aside preconceptions or labels. Meet the person, not the disability. They might surprise you. For example, the people we know with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS/ME) tend to be the ones we have to remind not to overwork. Be curious: Be curious about a person’s experience and needs. Don’t focus on why they use a wheelchair but on how that affects them and their choices and how you can help. Booking a team lunch? You must check that your restaurant choices are accessible. Make sure the restaurant knows there’s a wheelchair user in your party—and don’t forget to check the route! Don’t interpret actions, reactions, or lack thereof as a moral failing or lack of care if there is no definite reason to believe this is so. If a thing is easy for you, that doesn’t mean others can’t struggle with that same thing. Neurodivergent people often have strengths and weaknesses that seem to contradict each other. Be considerate: Finally, think about how difficult it is to be in the world as a marginalized person and have to constantly advocate for your needs and risk rejection. If it’s welcome (and please ask rather than assuming), you could raise your voice to ask on your colleague’s behalf. For example, you could advocate for a different way of celebrating success for colleagues who struggle to socialize. It doesn’t have to be about advocating; a simple gesture of care could mean a lot, such as letting your colleague choose the seat in the meeting room that meets their needs before everyone else sits. For someone with ADHD, they might want their back to distractions, for a wheelchair user, easy access, for hard of hearing, a spot where they can see to lip read easily - don’t assume, let them choose.