@RowdyFallon

I’m on a timeout

 British Columbia, Canada
Joined November 2015
  • Tweets16.7K
  • Following4.2K
  • Followers1.1K
673Media
My leg is stuck in the steering wheel #WeHadSexAndNow
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On the witness stand #WhenToUseYourReason
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And I don’t have a life jacket #FeelsLikeImLivingInAFishbowl
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Cooking a partridge with pear stuffing. #ThisChristmasIWillBe
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When everyone calls you Dick but your name is Kevin. #YouKnowItsTimeToWorry
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Why I’m not talking to you #LetsStartAConversationOn
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Urine my heart, urine my soul…. #BathroomMoviesAndSongs
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Deuce of Earl #BathroomMoviesAndSongs
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Bin there, done that. #IdRatherDump
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Than spill the beans #IdRatherDump
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My dog bit the policeman at the road check. #IWasDetainedBecause
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Cheese Mr. Postman #FranceInMoviesOrSongs
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Why you ate my last ding dong #PleaseJustTellMe
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Whipped cream #SometimesYouJustNeedABitOf
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The couch #SometimesYouJustNeedABitOf
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Do snakes have armpits? #AskTheAmericanPope
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Lap Dances with Wolves #AlcoholInMoviesAndSongs
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Olivia Newton-John Travolta #Merge2Celebs
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You might be an Ellen Jamesian #IfYouCantFindTheWords
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Refusing to use the litter box #TheElephantInTheRoomIs
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The spider, it’s time to move #WhenICantFind
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