Voicemail from a banana I bought 2 days ago: "Hey, it's me, I just wanted to let you know that I am completely rotten now. Also, when you do the thing where you pretend bananas are phones, that's offensive. We use regular telephones. K bye." 🙄

Overheard in Central Park, epicenter of the NYC anarchy zone, "Oh my gosh! The whales were amaaaaazing this summer!"

THICC cucumber.

Been an absolutely EPIC month.

Pig=Capitalism Homer=Neo-liberals Bart=Pandemic

It might be a good time to consider changing Presidents' Day to Three Equal Branches of Government Day. Hooray Checks! Huzzah Balances!

Epitaph: THIS FEELS REALLY PREMIUM.

Big news this morning: I saw a man wearing a Number 7 train baseball cap while riding the Number 1 train. Only. In. New. York. Ba. By.

Middle aged white dudes also love cool James.

The farts...they're coming from INSIDE the butt.

Y'all don't even remember what Windows '95 smelled like.

That #GoT petition is stupid, because this is literally the only possible ending that would have satisfied all viewers.

Told ya.

Uhhhhhhhh spoilers!

The planet Neptune is home to the solar system's only known baseball field.

Let's be honest, I'm never opening a ramen shop, but if I did it would surely be called Tasteful Noods.

ATTN Youths: complete that early 2000s nostalgia look with a bit of unironically enjoying ska.

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