Hey guys. If you are seeing this post, I'm happy you are seeing it. But there's a reason why I'm making this post. I'm making this a personal venting post. Take it however you want it. For the past couple of weeks, I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts as well as some intense panic & anxiety attacks and some long session depression stages. Ever since I lost my 1st job, I've dealing with a downward slope of high emotions. Dealing with lots of mental problems. Causing me to feel down in the dumps. Me losing my job has surely been a cause of chaos for me because it was me realizing that I was no longer going to have an income until further notice. Sure its nice to still live under a family roof, but I'm not happy staying under a family roof. I want to have the ability to be on my own and live out on my own, but because of financial states (as well as some other personal problems) I'm unable to go anywhere. Each and every day, I've been trying very hard to keep a positive environment and keep a positive behavior for everyone I see, meet, hangout with, etc. But it's becoming difficult to be real with yourself if all I'm doing is hiding under a mask. The reason I've been hiding away my true feelings over life is because I'm afraid of people abusing my emotions. This is the internet and its full of strangers. They'll surely enjoy harassing you because of you having emotions or for venting unless they actually care. This is why I go to trusted friends about this kind of stuff. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted of not having a job. I've applied to so many places, and nothing has been working. I'm in desperate need for money. I'll admit that. I need money. Because I want to leave the roof I'm under and be with my BF, @TorsinFolf69. How am I supposed to be happy if I don't have a job and everyone is rejecting me? How am I supposed to be positive when life has been going down to shit? Life has been harsh. It's been a HUGE struggle especially after losing my job. It's been impossible to do something productive, be positive, and try to make a welcoming environment for the people here and on VRChat. Speaking of.. VRChat and the friends I have, are my only escape from everything in life. I keep that headset on to distract myself. I play games in hopes it helps me. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Earlier this Monday, I had thoughts of unaliving myself. My head is going all over the place and so were my thoughts. I kept fighting back over and over for about 2 hours straight. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. And no, I'm never going to a therapist. Don't recommend me that because it won't help. I have friends and they are my reason why I'm still alive. I wanted to unalive myself so badly that day because I've personally reached my breaking point. I've been exhausted of life. Exhausted with myself. Where I just didn't want to be around anymore. Social media, my friends (Both online and the real world) are the only reason why I'm still here. And I want to make sure I still have that with me every day. I want to be better. I want to get better. But it's tough to do that when nothing is going right. Thank you for taking your time to read this.

Just enjoying a nice, cold, soothing mist on my fur and scales. It's very wonderful to enjoy mother nature ^.^